And with the next step comes...?

Katyusha gingerly took his hand, fingers slowly intertwining, and gave him a much shyer much than before, nodding in agreement to his questions. Weariness was settling in at the edges of her consciousness and she still felt a bit guilty...and even though she couldn’t tell what Matthew was feeling, she COULD tell that she wasn’t the only weary one here. They’d had a very...interesting day so far. Taking a break from the expectations of romance on Valentine’s Day would probably be for the best. It would be just them hanging out, nothing over the top, just quality time for them.
...But was it best to let this go for now?
It should be, right? Matthew had an understanding, didn’t he?
...Did he?
Leaving the issue be was OK right now, right? They’d apologized; they both had a bit of an understanding of the limits, THEIR limits.
...Or did they?
Did they really?
In all honesty, she was a bit confused, too. With herself. Why had she said that? ...It wasn’t that she was LYING, no! It was just...not exactly what she’d had in mind when it came to settling things between the two of them. They’d made a mistake, a pretty big mistake for two people as shy as them. So, why on EARTH would she say that?
But...saying that felt like she was trying to convince herself that that what she said WAS the truth, that she was OK with another round. Eventually.
Why was this so confusing?
Enough, Katya, just...just go with it. You’ve had your kisses, now stop being greedy...
The pair made their way back to the dorms, slowly if not awkwardly. Eventually small talk was made, and Katyusha found herself easing back into her normal self. The guilt was definitely something wasn’t going to go away soon, but she felt more relaxed. Now wasn't the time for a sad face; today was supposed to be a time for them to indulge a little, wasn't it? ...Or was that just foolish thinking?
...They were such trivial thoughts. Useless, but there anyways.
The stores were passing by quickly and it wouldn't be much longer until they arrived, so if they wanted something they needed it now. So, a hop, skip, and a jump later - or in their case, awkward fumbling and shy questions - they had everything they needed. She'd given in to the temptation of chocolate, herself...and she'd INSISTED on at least splitting the bill. Just because it was Valentine's Day, didn't mean that HE was going to pay for everything!
Time slipped by and they neared the dorms ever more, and Katyusha couldn't help wondering what movies they'd watch. ...Not to mention what Matthew's room looked like.
It wasn't for anything BAD! ...She was just curious...

_____________________________________________________________________

This sucks, as;ldfjaos;fd <A>

“… Aaaand here we are.” Matthew opened the door with what was supposed to be an impressive sweep, however a bit of laundry he must have missed jammed behind it and stopped it, giving only enough room to squeeze through.
His face turned an instant red.
“S-sorry” he apologized, snatching up the forgotten shirt pair of gym shorts and stuffing them in the already overflowing hamper. Still blushing, Matthew opened the door all the way and waved Katyusha in.
Shutting it behind them, he stood there awkwardly for a moment, not really knowing how to proceed. He had Kat in his room.
His room.
Alone.
Normally this would be cause for a secret fist pump and a mental happy dance, but after what happened earlier, all Matthew could focus on was the very raunchy, bikini clad Pamela Anderson poster he had stuck to his wall with yellow post it notes covering her more naughty bits. He should’ve taken that down…
Can’t do it now without making things painfully obvious…
Not to mention he was pretty sure having girls in the guy’s dorm rooms was a definite rule breaker.
Matt cleared his throat and moved quickly across the room to a crowded shelf that held all his games and movies. He plucked a few from the shelf and brought them back to Katyusha.
“Here, um, let me help you out of that,” he said, gesturing to her jacket. “Trade you?”
Handing over the smile pile of films, Matthew hung her jacket on the back of the door, taking a deep breath to steel himself before turning back around.
“I’m sorry there’s not much of a selection other than action and adventure. I’m not very good with horror movies and as for chick flicks…” He ruffled the back of his hair, embarrassed. His head jerked up, remembering something. “Hang on.”
The feeble looking tray that held his small tv creaked dangerously as he pushed it forward, right up to the foot of his bed. There was enough room for the both of them to sit comfortably- a little closer than expected but still comfortably.
Despite the whole kissing fiasco, Matthew couldn’t help but relish in how perfect Katyusha looked here in the place he called home during the school year. It vaguely reminded him of their time at Christmas. When they just hung out, enjoyed the simple pleasure of each other’s company…
Matthew’s was sure his cheek was still more than a little pink, but it was his chest that still dully ached from trouble that went on. He didn’t know emotional pain could ache like this. Of course he knew Katyusha was sorry for hitting him and he apologized sincerely for doing… that, still he was cautious, sitting on the edge of his bed.
“So which one do you want to watch?”

---

/3\ *le uncreative shame*

Katyusha was starting to feel quiet uncomfortable again.
Walking in had been fine. His room was...messy, which irked her a little, but it was tolerable for the time being. Everything had been fine except for one key point in the room, something that was staring her in the face.
...That poster.
...How had she NOT expected something like this? Matthew was still a guy, after all, and...and... Well, even if that was true, it didn't stop her cheeks from turning red. The scantily clad woman made her want to cover herself...which was ridiculous, she was already clothed! She couldn't be more clothed at the moment. Well, that was a lie, but that also wasn't the point! She was clothed, she had nothing to be nervous over. Even so, she'd already subconsciously crossed her arms over her chest as if to shelter herself.
...She also caught herself glaring briefly at the thing.
WHY was she GLARING at it? It was a flimsy piece of paper...plastic...STUFF, that just happened to have a gorgeous woman on it....who also was missing most of her clothing. It didn't help that looking at the poster embarrassed her; it was strange to her, seeing another woman's body so willingly exposed.
But it wasn't real! It was just a picture.
...Was she JEALOUS of a PICTURE?
Now that really WAS ridiculous!
She was a grown woman, she knew her rights and wrongs, and reason from idiocy. It was a stupid little guy poster---
...Gosh, the lady sure was pretty, though...
J-Just stop it already! You are being idiotic! Ignore it! Stop being so stupid!
Shaking her head a little, Katyusha focused back on the situation at hand, which was currently picking a movie to watch. Nodding politely, she looked through the set of movies one by one, looking them over. Some of them looked partially interesting, and others just looked silly. However, she did stop at one film; a thriller, and although the title wasn't familiar to her, it did look interesting.
...Hopefully it wasn't scary.
A repeat of what had happened on Halloween so long ago really wasn't necessary.
Taking in a deep breath to calm herself, she turned back to him with the film in her hand and a shy smile on her face, seating herself next to him. It was closer than she expected, but it would have to do. It might be a little awkward because of their..."phase", but it would have to do. And even if it was awkward, she couldn't say it was bad, necessarily...
"I-I don't handle horror well, either, b-but you already knew that. Um, is this OK?"

___________________________________________________________________________

This went nowhere, agghh---sorry. /n\
Kat has jealousy problems. |D Hurrr

“Is… something wr-…” Matthew’s voice trailed off, seeing the intense glaring match Kat was currently having with his Pamela Anderson poster. She looked as though she was trying to burn a hole straight through it.
Standing there, uncomfortably awkward, Matthew had kind of hoped she’d wouldn’t have noticed it- or if she did that she’d brush it off. Kat knew that he valued her far, far more than that piece of printed-paper right? To him, Pamela didn’t stand a chance against his Kat-
Oh, but this afternoon…
To her, that poster was just one more piece of evidence. He was merely another teenage horn dog and that proved it.
Damn it.
Matthew cleared his throat. “She’s, uh, Canadian.”
Right.
Like that saved his ass.
He remembered their fight from earlier and cringed. Great impression to give after something so serious…
It took a couple of seconds for him to realize Katyusha was talking to him. He jumped a little, face burning. He forced a dry laugh of the idea of horror. Flashbacks of the haunted house disaster came back in droves. He could still remember the way she shook in his arms, the terrified far away look in her eyes…
He never had asked her why. Reactions like that were driven from dark experiences, he was smart enough to understand that. But what had happened to Katyusha that had made her react like that…?
Well considering how deep he was in the doghouse he doubted he’d ever find out.
“Yeah that’s great. Have you ever seen it before? I think you’ll like it.”
Popping in the movie, Matthew settled in, remembering to keep a respectful distance. His sad excuse for a mattress was making it hard though. No matter what he did the dip in the coils always seemed to pull him closer to the middle and closer to Katyusha.
“This really is a good one” he said as the screen darkened. His words came out a bit shakily. They still hadn’t recovered from the emotional trauma they’d caused themselves and it was like the world wouldn’t properly settle down, neither of them could find a proper footing.
How was he supposed to act?!
Kat was a shy girl anyway, but was he going to get this weirdly cold politeness for a while…?
This relationship stuff was really confusing.
As the movie got on, Matthew couldn’t help but feel stiff and awkward. He couldn’t really relax. Those days back during Christmas they’d been so open with each other. They could talk about anything, touch each other without the idea of alternative motives and even if they sat in complete silence there was a level of happiness in enjoying each others company. Now it was as if there was an emotional wall between them.
Should he try to break it or just leave it alone?
Absentmindedly, Matthew pushed himself back against his headboard, but he stopped. His fingers had connected with something very soft and very warm. Looking down he saw his own hand covering Katyusha’s.

---

ene went nowhere...

The movie started, but Katyusha just couldn't seem to get comfortable. Maybe Matthew was the same...but it just felt...tense. Very tense. There was also the fact that she felt watching a movie just wasn't the same in the light, but a dark room wasn't exactly a good idea for them right now... Yes, she'd said that...that "trying again" was fine, but...but not now! Not in the dark which they didn't have, not in his room, on his bed---
...O-Oh my gosh. I'm on his bed. I'm on his BED.
THAT was quite a realization for her, as trivial as it might have seemed.
These were HIS sheets, HIS pillows...but hold on, hold on JUST ONE MINUTE. They were here to watch a movie, nothing more! Nothing more, nothing less, only a movie! Movie! MOVIE.
She repeated the word in her head numerous times as if she had to convince herself that was true. Which it was---
A sudden warmth against her hand made Katyusha jump slightly and jolt her away away from the source of it, which she found to be Matthew's hand. He looked a little taken aback at the connection...had it been a mistake?
...Was it really a mistake?
...Oh no, she was really losing trust in him, wasn't she?! No! That was bad! That was very bad! They'd made a mistake, they'd gone too far, but that didn't mean she had to lose all faith in him! This was only the beginning, right---?
The day definitely wasn't going to the way she'd hoped it would.
J-Just STOP thinking! Stop! Stop right now! Stop and watch the movie!
Cautiously sliding her hand back next to his, their fingers barely touching, she let out a long breath and focused on the movie.
Slowly but surely she relaxed, falling into that usual sort of trance there is when you watch a movie. She didn't even notice the bend in the mattress that constantly brought them closer, whether they wanted to be or not, or the contact of their fingers, touch lingering very briefly. She felt more at ease already...well, at least when she was jumping at something in the movie.
...What? It was intense!
...That was her excuse.
Even if the film was captivating, which it was, she couldn't help sneaking glances up at Matthew. He still looked a bit...oh, there it was again. The word that forever escaped her. Or the phrase. Or whatever it was that she could use to possibly describe him. He was...that, and yet he was still as alluring as ever. Not in a sexual way, no! Just in that...way.
Gosh, where had her words gone?
The end of the film was approaching, and Katyusha could feel her eyes growing heavy. She felt a little frustrated at that fact; it wasn't even that late into the afternoon! Why did movies always make her so sleepy!
Wake up, Kat! No afternoon naps!

___________________________________________________________________________

Went nowhere. Have some confused!Kat? |D;;; Derp.

He wasn’t going to lie, watching Katyusha yank her hand away sent the strangest ache pound in his chest.
Obviously, even a touch of the hand was still too much for Katyusha.
Why did he have to be such a dumbass earlier…?
As the movie progressed, Matthew gave up on trying to focus on the screen. He’d seen this one many times and though it was one of his favourites and he could recite most of the lines by heart, he found himself picking at a loose thread clinging to his comforter absentmindedly.
The muscles up his back pricked uncomfortably from the strain of holding himself away from Katyusha and he was pretty sure his right foot had long since fallen asleep.
All this over thinking and agonizing, Matthew was damn near the end of his rope.
Part of him wanted to apologize again.
Another part wanted to rip his own hair out in frustration.
And the last part of him wanted to just give up on the whole thing. If Kat wanted to stay mad at him. Fine.
Of course, rather than doing anything, Matthew just sat there like an indecisive lump.
So much for being a man of action.
He looked up briefly to catch a bit of the movie’s climax, watching the characters move about frantically, then down at Katyusha. At least she looked like she was enjoying herself.
She looked enraptured by the action and jumped cutely at the surprises. Matthew found himself watching her more than the actual tv.
The corner of his mouth involuntarily pulled upwards into a candid smile, and his grin only grew as he watched her slowly begin to fall asleep.
She must be so tired from work…
The soft score music playing in the background as the credits rolled didn’t help either. Kat was fading- fast.
Slowly, so he wouldn’t shock her, Matthew slid artfully towards the edge of the bed and turned to cup her shoulders tenderly.
Matthew gently lowered her down so her head rested on his pillow.
He opened his mouth to say it was fine for her to sleep here, but closed it, deciding merely a small affectionate smile would do the trick.
Grabbing the spare throw from the top of his closet (one that all students were given to chase away the cold of winter- though Matthew rarely used it), he draped it over her exhausted form and then sank into his nearby desk chair.
Would it be creepy to just sit here and watch her sleep?
Yes, he decided. Yes it would.
He was no Edward Cullen thank you.
Matthew ran a hand through his hair. That action was starting to turn into a habit…
Well might as well do something, but wh-
His eyes landed squarely on that poster.
For being a big guy, he was surprisingly elegant as he snuck around the furniture and Katyusha to grab at the sticky-tacked corners. Rolling it up, he dumped it in the garbage can, only feeling a slight twinge of regret. He didn’t need that thing anymore, he had something better.
Of course, now his wall looked very empty.
Kat will know that I took it down… Er… Kuma!
Matthew picked up his fluffy white bear and set it on top of the shelf the poster had been above. It didn’t really help much but it would have to do. All he had to do was hope that when Katyusha woke, she’d fine the stuffed animal cute and would forget the double D’s that had once been in his place.

---

Blaaahhh

A light sleep was all Katyusha could managed and as a result, she was shifting occasionally and waking up briefly. Briefly, as in for a second or two. But despite her light resting, that didn't mean she wasn't resting. It had been a long day, and she was physically and emotionally drained...
The growing noise out in the hallways was what really started encouraging her to wake up. It also reminded her of how late it was...and that she'd fallen asleep.
She really should get up...but it was so warm...and the sheets smelled nice, they smelled like him---
...Oh, she'd just HAD to fall asleep on Matthew's bed.
This was the second time that she'd fallen asleep with him! It was rude of her! She shouldn't just be passing out all the time. She remembered him smiling at her before she clonked out, but still...!
That sweet, sincere smile...
Being mushy already? Quit it and wake up!
Puffing out a short breath, Katyusha took a moment to just stare at her surroundings, not moving. Everything was still a blurry with sleep and was at an odd angle since she was, you know, lying down. But it was remotely peaceful.
Matthew was sitting in his desk chair with his back turned to her, looking busy with something...so, she just watched him for a couple seconds. It was probably weird of her to do so, but that's just exactly what she did. She continued to lie there and just...stared at him.
He looked relaxed... His attention wasn't on her, and he looked relaxed. Was she a cause of stress to him...? It was no wonder if she was.
After everything that had happened today...why wouldn't she be?
Katyusha closed her eyes, now simply listening to what was going on. The noises in the hall were getting louder...were people already coming back? Had the day gone by that quickly? Just like that, Valentines Day was over.
If only they had just a bit more time...
Actually...would more time be a good thing?
Would they resolve things, or would it just stay awkward?
No, things couldn't stay like this! They couldn't just part the way they were! Something had to be done...but...what?
That was when she formed a small goal in her head. Opening her eyes, she swore that she was going to give Matthew a kiss that wasn't asking for anything, just a peck that expressed herself. If anything, she had to make sure that he understood how bad she felt. Not even a kiss! Just SOMETHING that would show him...
...It was an embarrassing goal, but a goal none the less.
Maybe she was thinking like like because of her sleepiness...
But...
Even if it was just sleep talking, she still wanted things to be put right.
Katyusha let out a louder, deeper, sigh and sat up, trying to ignore the pains in her back and attempting to rub the sleep from her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak...but choked. What was she supposed to say?

_______________________________________________________________

It's short and boring and OOC and ffff--- *rolls awayyyy*

Matthew absentmindedly ignored the squeaking of his mechanical pencil as it scratched across the paper. Since Katyusha was rather indisposed at the moment he’d decided to get a head start on a essay though the thing wasn’t due for at least another week and a half.
He’d been forced to turn on his desk lamp due to the short sunlit hours February had to offer, yellow light pooling in the one corner of his room.
A couple of times he’d glanced over his shoulder to check at the sleeping body on his bed and almost instantaneously- no matter how hard he tried to push them away- the thoughts that followed any man that had his girlfriend in his bed came back to haunt him.
It became very hard to focus all of a sudden.
No, think. What were they talking about in class… It was written up on the board… Think Matthew think!
But there was Kat, curled up on his mattress, face buried in his pillow.
Stop it.
Focus.
Okay, thesis statement-
I bet my pillow’s going to smell like her-
NO.
No, no, no, no, no!
Matthew ruffled his hair, frustrated. His body was hunched over so far his nose nearly met the paper and his classes were constantly slipping down his nose. One of his hands stayed clenched near his knee as his leg bounced up and down nervously on the ball of his foot.
Slowly, however, his fingers began to uncurl. It took what seemed like forever- Matthew himself not even noticing it at first- but the awkward, straining tension began to melt away.
It felt… It felt like how things used to be.
Maybe it was just because Katyusha was sleeping (he thought with slight disappointment) but the air of the room had changed. It was… comfortable. Like, he knew she was there but it didn’t bother him. He didn’t worry about how close was too close, blow a fuse in his brain trying to figure out what her expressions meant, did Kat’s words mean something completely different, was she still mad- none of that. It was just him and Katyusha.
Matt and Kat.
He got so caught up in his work and that wonderful sense of tranquility that Matthew didn’t notice the pair of azure eyes watching him. He accidentally dropped his pencil and was digging about under his desk when he heard the small familiar squeak of his mattress shifting. Matthew peeked under his arm, gaze meeting a very awake looking Katyusha.
“Kat-“
WHACK
“Ow, damn… grdmnit” Matthew hissed, cradling his head, words smearing into a long muttered hiss of French swears. Pulling in a generous inhale, Matt sat up with a forced smile.
Just pretend like you’re not a clumsy idiot…
“You’re awake,” he stated, sounding mildly surprised.
Katyusha had an odd expression on her face. It was hidden behind the adorable sleepiness that still clung to her lashes, but he could see it.
Matthew tilted his head curiously. “Kat?”

---

o3o

The loud thwack made Katyusha jump and certainly woke her up a little more. She stood quickly, expression turning to one of concern in a heartbeat.
That sounded like it had hurt! And by the look on Matthew's face and his muttered curses, - she couldn't really understand what he was saying, but it definitely wasn't song lyrics or anything - it definitely had hurt.
"A-Are you OK, Matvey?" she asked, ignoring at the moment that Matthew was curious about her for some reason, and reached out to him. But she recoiled, taming her urge to smooth down his hair and successfully keeping her hands to herself.
I-I don't have to go babying him, he's...he's fine.
The way he was looking at her made her look down at her feet nervously and for some reason, she could feel a blush rising on her cheeks. How did he always know that she was thinking about something serious or worrying or...anything? He just always knew if there was something on her mind...
Sometimes she really liked that about him, but other times...not so much.
He needed to stop being so perfect with that kind of stuff!
He just needed to stop being so...so...
Matthew-like.
...It was a ridiculous thought, because she wouldn't have him any other way. Just as Matthew. And that was the truth!
Katyusha sat back down, picking up her feet and hugging her knees to her chest. She took another moment to just stare at him. The air of the room wasn't as calm as before, but it wasn't...tense, either. Violet eyes focused in the low-lighting of the room, focused on her.
Maybe that was why she was feeling a little nervous...maybe it was because of that gaze. Or the way he'd tilt his head at her. Or the way his hair sort of fell off to the side, or maybe how he always knew---
Oh, who was she kidding, everything about him made her heart to backflips!
But that wasn't the point.
Shyly turning her gaze away from his, she rested her head on her knees and let out a long sigh. He didn't have to know about her little promise. Not just yet, anyways. ...Well, she could fulfill her promise and he wouldn't ever know she'd made a promise like that--- ...And once again, that wasn't the point. She hated the way things were between them right now, yes, she hated how awkward they'd become, but...
She didn't know what to say.
"I...it's...nothing. It's nothing," came her quiet reply. She didn't look back up; instead, Katyusha closed her eyes and thought about the current situation. They'd already apologized about everything...should they talk it over more? But what was there to say, really...? ...Maybe they both just had to take a deep breath and get past this.
Or maybe that was just how SHE felt.
Easier said than done...
This was all so nerve-wracking...!
And yet she wasn't sure how much longer she could stand things like this. She didn't like being so awkward, and she hated the fact that she'd hit Matthew. They'd made a mistake, they were stupid, but now... She just wanted things to be back to normal.
Then, before she really realized it, Katyusha had gotten up, crossed the room, sat down next to him and had caught Matthew in a tight hug, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.
"I-I'm sorry!" she stammered, the words muffled and quiet, hardly escaping her throat.

_____________________________________________________________________

OOC, durrr

“Wha- aaaah!” Matthew grabbed at the edge of his desk, barely stopping them both from flying over backwards. His other, free arm wrapped automatically around Katyusha and pulled her securely against his chest, his shoulder curling around as if to protect her from any kind of impact. Thankfully the managed to stay upright but that didn't stop the absolutely stupefied expression on Matt's face.
Well.
He hadn’t expected…that.
Like the dye in a thermometer, a dark red flush began to crawl upwards from the collar of his shirt, up his neck, over his nose and right up to the tip of his ears. He sat there so unbelievably awkward and in almost a state of shock. Not that having your girlfriend fling herself into your arms was necessarily a bad thing. He was just… surprised. Okay, really surprised.
And there was the distraction of feeling Katyusha’s breath against the skin of his neck.
Please don’t let her notice the goose bumps..!
It took a couple of seconds of not imagining just how close Katyusha’s lips were or how warm she felt for him to realize that she was saying something.
It was muffled and hard to understand but it sounded like… sounded like… ‘sorry’?
Matthew’s eyes widened behind his slightly askew glasses. What was she talking about? Sorry for what?
“K-Kat?” he squeaked, “What…?”
He shifted slightly, sitting more upright so he could cradle her more comfortably and Kat was situated more or less on his lap. Matthew debated whether or not to gently push her back so they could talk face to face but he doubted he’d be able to look her in the eye, and judging by her grip he didn’t think Kat was going to let go. She was stronger than she looked.
“W-why are you sorry?” he asked quietly.
Oh God, she smells so wonderful…
Matthew resisted the urge to burry his nose in her soft hair, no matter how temptingly it tickled at his face.
Instead, he rested his cheek against her arm that was wrapped around his neck, gazing up at the ceiling.
It was the weirdest feeling…
He had the strangest urge to smile. In fact he did smile. One big lopsided, bashfully happy grin.
Even though they’d suffered one of their harder moments as a couple that very day, it seemed almost like a foggy memory. Matthew didn’t want to worry about everything anymore. He had Katyusha in his arms, hugging him, breaking that invisible boundary they’d unintentionally put up because of their fight.
“Katyusha” he murmured, using her full name in hopes that she’d look up. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

---

*brain sputters out then dies*

"But...! But I, back then...I...!"
Katyusha's protest came out weak and in stuttered half-sentences, and she pulled back to look at him and redeem herself...but the only thing that came out of her mouth was a small squeak. Her cheeks instantly turned a bright shade of red and her hand quickly covered her mouth out of embarrassment. That was intelligent of her... Biting her lip, she let out a small sigh and hugged Matthew again, tighter this time.
What was he saying? There was everything to apologize for! They couldn't just let this pass right on by...!
...Then again, they weren't, were they. They'd gotten so awkward about it...but now...were things OK? Were they really OK?
Well, they WERE hugging again. That was always good! ...It was kind of hard to believe how much she'd missed it, and it had only been a few hours since their incident. Gosh, she was needy...it was awful of her, but she couldn't help it...
When did things change like this...? When did she start NEEDING someone to hold her hand or hug her or...anything? She'd been fine without, hadn't she?
Hadn't she...?
OK, so maybe she'd been a bit lonely sometimes. And maybe she was a little jealous of her younger siblings... But she had work to do! She had to make a living for herself, pay off bills! She'd only gone back to school so she could work more afterwards. She didn't have time for silly little things like this.
But it wasn't so silly after all...it was really nice. It was a bit scary at times, yes, but overall...it was so...so...
Since when are you so corny? S-Snap out of it, you're being embarrassing, Katya!
It was then that Katyusha came to the realization that, other than having been clinging to Matthew for some time now, she was nearly sitting in his lap. The blush on her cheeks lit up again and she shuffled back, stuttering shy apologies and taking a spot in front of him. This was much more appropriate.
She also dared to look up at him; he looked really happy. And honest. He was just smiling away, and to be frank it was rubbing off on her very quickly. She quickly avoided his gaze when her vision became blurred with tears, a nervous chuckle escaping her.
Crying? Again? Why? They were at the point of forgiveness, Matthew was smiling and forgiving and--- And she wasn't. It wasn't that she wasn't going to forgive him, of course she was! It was just...she wasn't quite forgiving herself.
“I-I really am sorry, Matvey...I am.”
Leaving things the way they were was a definite “no”, but all she could seem to do was apologize. She felt guilty and a little doubtful, but wanted to NOT feel like that...so...
Maybe she just needed a little reassurance.

_________________________________________________________________________

*dies*

Katyusha always looked so beautiful, even now with tears glistening in her eyes and that small little crease formed between her eyebrows.
Matthew’s smile softened, committing everything about her right at that moment to memory.
Reaching up, he gently took both her hands and tugged her closer so she stood over him, Matthew tilting his head up so they could look straight at each other. Gently, his thumbs rubbed circles on the backs of her slender fingers.
He tried to smother it, but the same huge grin spread across his face and he started to laugh.
“I’m sorry” he managed to get out in between chuckles, bring up their linked hands to adjust his glasses. Matthew shook his head before focusing back on Katyusha. “What are we going to do with ourselves?”
He let his rhetorical question hang in the air for a short moment before standing. Now it was he who towered over her. If felt so natural, like the action was already ingrained in his bones as he gathered her up in his arms and held her close.
Katyusha may have been older than him but they both seemed to be experiencing the same emotional fragility. Despite the disastrous consequences earlier, it was a feeling that was surprisingly intimate. Like both of them were there to hold the other up. Nobody else would work.
Matthew silently swore into her shoulder that together they’d grow.
They’d been through so much and he sure wasn’t about to let go now.

-Five months later in June-

Matthew blew out a long, frustrated breath as he kicked his locker door shut with more force than necessary. He leaned against it, trying avoid being mowed over by the mass of students rushing around the halls. Katyusha might see him but to everyone else, his invisibility-challenged self still stood.
Why did things have to be this way?
It was near the end of the year, June, which meant one thing: exams. Matthew had already written his as had most of the first year and second year students. He’d studied hard, trying to balance his free time between studying and Katyusha and, honestly, he was comfortable with how he’d done. However, it wasn’t his exams he worried about.
Trying to skirt the crowd it was easy to spot the third years. Frantic, dark bags under the eyes, downing caffeine like nobody’s business and desperately trying to cram in whatever last minute information they could, they were hard to miss. Matthew nearly collided with one who was running away sobbing.
Those graduating were past the end of their rope preparing for their final exams and normally Matthew wouldn’t really care. This was supposed to be the time when he could relax, hang out and maybe give a passing thought to packing up his things. But he didn’t dare waste even a minute. He was too worried about one particular third year exam student.
Katyusha.
He spotted her at her own locker and instantly his expression pinched into one of concern. She didn’t look good.
Matthew reached out and cupped her shoulder. “Hey,” he greeted.

It was taking all of her self-control to not break down into hysterical sobbing.
Taking out a few of her books out of her locker, Katyusha propped them up on her hip while using the other to rub at her temples. Things couldn't be worse right now. Studying was becoming an unhealthy chore with how stressed it would make her, but it was necessary. She needed to pass these exams! She'd come back to school for a reason! If she obtained a full education, she'd be able to work better jobs...not that the one she already had wasn't wonderful, because it was! She loved working there, even if it was a lot of work.
But this was necessary..."dropping out" from high school wasn't exactly admired. It wasn't that she COULDN'T do it, it was just...she needed to make a living. She needed to pay for herself and not let OTHERS do it for her.
...Not that she did that much anyways, she always felt so guilty.
But then again, the one person who always seemed to get away with paying for her was Matthew.
Just thinking about him brought a load off of her shoulders. He was always a face she was glad to see, but especially now. When she was with him, she didn't have to worry about long exams, or getting the right amount of hours of studying in, or studying the right material...
...But when she wasn't with him, that's she would worry about. And that's what she should be DOING---
Oh God, what was she doing?! She couldn't just stand around---
The hand on her shoulder made her jump, but when Katyusha turned to see who was confronting her, the knots in her stomach almost immediately began to untie themselves.
She let out a long sigh, trying not to cringe at the always-evident pain in her back, and returned his greeting, "O-Oh, hi. You surprised me, Matvey..." He looked like he was doing well himself...except for the worried expression that he wore.
I wonder if he's already finished his exams...? He probably has.
For a moment she was at a loss of words and so, she turned and quickly closed her locker, still holding her pile of books. She chewed at her lip, looking back up at him shyly. She was probably a huge mess...it made her wonder why he would ever bother putting up with her.
Forcing herself to wear a fake smile, she asked, "So...how are exams...?"

___________________________________________________________________________

=A=

So pale…
Matthew’s frown deepened, violet eyes meticulously watching over her exhausted behaviour. He could sense the tension that always gathered around Katyusha when she was on the verge of crying. Judging by the tears shining in her eyes he could tell she was dangerously close to falling over the edge.
Not good.
“Sorry,” Matthew apologized. He shrugged one shoulder, his backpack- slung over one shoulder- moving up and down by the gesture. “They went fine. Had my last one earlier today. Are you okay?”
What an unnecessary question.
It was plain as day that she wasn’t. He sucked in a sharp breath as she turned to face him and he got a perfect look at the dark, bruise-like bags under her eyes. And the fact that her almost constant blush wasn't there either only made him more apprehensive.
“You haven’t been sleeping properly, have you?” Matthew asked sharply. “Kat, I know these tests are important but you can’t do this to yourself. Come on, give me your books. Let’s go.”
Ignoring all of her protests, he took the heavy looking books out of her arms and, curling his own arm around her shoulders to tuck her in close to his side, he guided her away down the hall at a brisk pace.
They had time. If he remembered Katyusha’s schedule right she had a free period next. –Even if she didn’t he was going to make sure she skipped it, if he had to drag her away or pick her up and throw her over his shoulder. Matthew glanced down at Katyusha. It probably wouldn’t be that strenuous, right now it looked like just a breath could knock her clean off her feet. He had to get her to rest…
Ah, he knew just the place.
He had to slow his long strides so Katyusha could keep up, but they made it fairly quickly to stand in front of a familiar door, the nurses office. Matthew knew he could get in trouble for skipping his own classes but there was no way they could refuse Katyusha. Just look at the poor girl sway!
Poking his head in, Matthew gave a curious “Hello?” and receiving nothing but the quiet rumbling of a small AC unit, tugged Katyusha in after him, locking the door behind them.
“Here,” he said, leading her to one of the beds. “You can get at least an hour of sleep. I’ll keep watch so just relax and try to catch up on what you’ve missed.”
With all seriousness, Matthew raised a hand to brush her hair out of her eyes. “I worry about you, ya know…”

Obviously her protests were getting her nowhere, and honestly Katyusha was caught between feeling thankful or agitated. She definitely needed sleep, yes, but her studies...! There should be no procrastination, she NEEDED to study---!
Although, would this be called procrastination?
...Healthy or not, this is what she had to do! But, Matthew, he...he...
Gosh, now was a really bad time to be emotionally confused...
Her protests died quickly as her thoughts began blending together into one huge mess. She was just managing to piece together the facts that class was going to start and that Matthew WASN'T going, when Katyusha realized that he was already locking the door of the room which she came to recognize as the nurse's office. His words were a bit monotonous to her, but they clicked. Why was he still here? He should be in class...she didn’t want to be the cause of him being late, or skipping even!
Yes, he’d said he was worrying about her, but...was this really worth it?
Was it worth worrying over her and her bad habits?
...His brief touch made her double-guess her thoughts for a moment, bringing back a light blush in her cheeks.
But then just like that, her anxiety was back. Along with a bit of stubbornness.
Shaking her head and glancing at the bed beside her, she began protesting again, “N-No! Matvey, please---! I-I have to study now, I don’t...I don’t have time! I-I have to work a-and you...y-you have class, why aren’t you---?”
She may have sounded like she was just whining, but she WAS worried! She was worried about him and about herself and about her tests---
She didn’t want to be the cause of him getting in trouble, there was no way she was worth that...!
Katyusha raised her hands to rub at her temples again, letting out a shaky sigh and trying to ignore her hazy thoughts. It was hard to think straight... And the more she tried to think, the more she worried, and the more she worried, the more she could feel the tears threatening to spill over.
She looked up at Matthew, looking at her pile of books for a moment before focusing on him. She opened her mouth to say something more but nothing came out. Instead, she closed it when another thought came to her. He was trying to do something good for her, he was being considerate...
Why did she feel that she had to say no?
A wave of guilt came over her and she bit her lip hard, looking away and finding that she couldn't find the words to express her concerns.

This… this wasn’t going the way he’d expected.
Matthew stared down at Katyusha over the rims of his glasses, more than a little shocked at her tone. Things may have been busy but to hear her talk at him like that. The anger on her face was easy to read. Ashen cheeks becoming blotched with red, those tears she’d fighting spilling over onto her long lashes…
His plan had been to help relieve some of her stress, not make it worse.
It also didn’t help that his own temper made a surprise jump to simmer just below his skin.
Well, maybe it wasn’t that much of a surprise after all…
For over at least a week now he’d been desperate to see Katyusha, spend time with her, hold her. They’d barely spoken two words to each other thanks to last minute homework, the exams themselves and the studying needed for them. And yes, Matthew understood that school need to take precedence over canoodling with his girlfriend but that didn’t stop their relationship from becoming terribly strained and the stress was starting to get to them. It was like that happy honeymoon bubble had popped leaving them in reality.
It hadn’t been that bad at first. They’d settled down and taken off the rose tinted glasses. Matthew had no problem with it; Katyusha was still the same girl he’d come to love and respect. No big.
… well, until this school stuff had taken a turn for the brain breaking.
It started small, with no time to spare after class, then it ate up their weekends, and then they couldn’t even spend lunch together! But worst of all it had them snapping at each other even though they didn’t mean it.
Like now.
“You can study later!” Matthew growled, plopping down on the bed and taking Katyusha with him.
He jerked back, instantly sorry for lashing out at her like that, viciously berating himself. He ducked his head, “Sorry. I’m sorry. I mean, you’ll be no use if you’re too tired to actually study. And hour or so won’t make much of a difference.” Sighing, he looked away. “I’m… I’m just trying to look out for you…”
She obviously didn’t want him around right now- he definitely wasn’t helping with anything. Maybe the best thing would be to leave…
“Sorry,” he muttered, grabbing his bag and heading for the door.

Now you've done it...
Katyusha's heart sank and, feeling defeated and more guilty than ever, she let out a heavy sigh. She stared at the ground and inwardly rebuked herself, all the while trying to keep herself from crying. This was awful. How had things gotten so awful so fast?
...Was it HER fault?
Oh God, it was, wasn't it?!
This was far from what she wanted! She'd just not wanted to be a bother, but it seemed she was just creating more trouble. Between them, at least. And now Matthew was leaving and he was mad and---
She...was mad, too?
Why was she mad?
I'm not a child.
...What?
I don't need someone to look after me.
What was...? Ah. Of course. Her thoughts. The stubbornness was conflicting with her insecurities. It was strange fighting with herself... The thoughts almost seemed...detached, not her's, as the reasons for her rising agitation formed in her mind.
He doesn't get it. How could he? He doesn't see how important this is. He's being selfish, HE is! I'm right, he's not! He's not, he's not...!
This was awfully childish of her, wasn't it? SHE was being immature, not him...he was just trying to help, and here she was making the both of them grumpy. But there was a part of her that desperately wanted to agree. Her frustration wanted to be the thing that would blind her, not her current tears. Or maybe it was both that was leaving her in a huge mess. ...Either way, they were both bad and Katyusha didn't want them!
And yet, here they were.
Standing and collecting her books that he'd left behind, she followed Matthew out of the room and turned briskly in the opposite direction that he was heading, only to stop and look back at him briefly. "...I-I'm not staying in there. I'm leaving," she stated, trying to sound firm but she knew she was far from that. This was only her being stubborn, but that didn't change the fact that she was still upset.
And she wasn't trying to guilt him into anything, no! Of course not! She just... It was upsetting that they were being to bitter to each other. It was so upsetting...but she HAD to do this.
There was no time for her to be relaxing!

Matthew stood, rooted to the spot in shock as he watch Katyusha storm away. How could she- why would she- He was just trying to be nice-!
“F-… FINE!” he barked after her, though he doubted she heard him. His face burned and embarrassed red right up to the tips of his ears.
So much for being nice!
Matthew stood there in the middle of the hall for the longest time, beet red and the expression on his face a mixture of confusion, anger… and maybe more than a little hurt.
Why did she have to treat him like that…?
Didn’t she look in the mirror and see just how drained she’d become? What all this stress and worry was doing to her? He was worried! And he had every right to be- He loved her!
Yet here she was treating him like some sort of annoyance, a greedy child.
Matthew stomped in the opposite direction, he had to find somewhere to hide out until his class was over. Honestly he couldn’t sit in a desk and even pretend to pay attention right now.
I really want beat somebody into the boards right now… I need some hockey! Real stuff not the video games-!
That’s what he needed right now, to take out all this pent up frustration on some poor skating newbie. Nothing breaks anger like knocking out a few teeth.
Matthew found an empty classroom and headed to the back of the room near the stacked up desks, collapsing on the floor next to his bag.
He leaned against the wall, resting his head back so he stared unseeingly at the ceiling.
Well today had gone just swimmingly, hadn’t it?
… he’d messed up hadn’t he?
Yeah, messed up big time.
Matthew always had been touchy about their age difference. Sure Katyusha was only older by a year but it gnawed at him and one of the worst things he could imagine was being treated like kid by Katyusha. It had a direct line to his temper.
And, maybe, if he had to admit it… he had let his nerves get the better of him. So many days without Katyusha… He sounded spoiled, he thought bashfully. Up until now school had limited their time together but they’d managed. Lunches together, hanging out after school, it was great. But now with these exams…
Who knew he could jealous of some tests.
Really pathetic Matthew.
The bell rang, signalling the start of lunch. Heaving a heavy sigh, Mathew gathered his things and stood. Time to make up for being the world’s biggest jerk.
He didn’t expect to see Kat in the cafeteria, although his head did the automatic swivel. No, no Kat.
He slipped around the crowd and grabbed a few things, remembering all of her favourites, and quickly paying for it, he jogged out the door.
Maybe if he hurried he could catch Katyusha back at her locker.

---

;n;

Katyusha was learning a lot of things today, but none of them had to do with her studies.
For one, it was impossible to study when you were worrying yourself sick over someone because YOU were being an idiot.
She'd long given up with studying, instead trying to keep her emotions in check but failing horribly. She hugged her knees to her chest, having made herself comfortable in a far corner of the library, and let out a shaky sigh. She'd been hoping for peace and quiet, but she was practically screaming at herself inside her head.
Cradling herself ALMOST helped...but she sure as hell didn't deserve any sympathy right now. She was being terrible! Matthew was really mad, she just knew it---
Was this how she treated people all the time who were trying to a favour for her? Was she really so arrogant?
Had she really been so oblivious about it all this time?
Or maybe there was something else she wasn't getting...?
I don't know, this is so...! Agh!
She moved her hands from her legs to her head, holding it between her palms and tugging slightly at her hair. The tears were back and already falling, much to her frustration. Katyusha knew that she really should be resting and that Matthew WAS right...but it was so hard for her to just STOP what she was doing.
The bell for lunch time rang, making her jump a little. She'd become accustomed to the silence of her hiding place, and had been wrapped up in her thoughts. Rubbing the tears from her eyes, she collected her books and tried to get herself together. There was no need to draw any attention, she was fine...she was just fine...
But for being so "fine", it was hard to keep her eyes open...not to mention her stomach was nearly shrieking at her for food, and she was starting to feel dizzy...
Y-You just have to tough it out, Katya. This is the cost for good marks...right...?
Ever since her little disagreement with Matthew, she was starting to second-guess herself. Maybe she really was pushing herself too hard...
But she was worried! What if she didn't pass---?
But...but Matthew...but her marks, but HERSELF, so many "buts".
She left her books in her locker, sighing in relief and already feeling her back relax, and decided that even though she had a lack of food, - she'd forgotten to make something since she was busy studying this morning - she at least needed something to drink. So, keeping her head down and avoiding crashing into people, she made her way through the now-crowded hallway.
It was just as she was swerving around a larger group of people that she walked straight into someone. Stumbling back a little, she sputtered out embarrassed apologies before realizing that it was indeed Matthew she'd run into.
The guilty feeling immediately returned and she found she couldn't look him in the eyes...

“Oooff! –AH!” Matthew flailed about trying to catch the can of pop knocked loose from his grip all while trying to keep everything else balanced in his arms. Caught it! Whoa, almost lost his container of KD…
What was that-
“Kat!” he said with surprise. “S-sorry I didn’t see you… there.”
He swallowed nervously.
Well this wasn’t awkward at all…
Oh no she looks even worse.
Well, worse was quite the understatement.
Katyusha had obviously been crying and the bottom dropped from his stomach when he realized that he’d caused it.
Good job, buddy, you made your girlfriend cry.
Nice.
“Hey, um, do you have time for lunch? I… I, uh, I picked up some stuff to… eat,” he finished lamely.
Way to go, moron, like she couldn’t tell by the armload of food.
Matthew tried to smile, but he was too ashamed and it came out more like a tentative grimace. Not that Katyusha saw it.
She couldn’t even look at him.
He studied her face, her expression stabbing at his heart like a rusty nail. He’d never felt so ashamed of himself.
Though… now that he seriously looked, Katyusha didn’t look right…
Behind the obvious distress- was she swaying?!
“Whoa there,” he said anxiously, juggling all the items in his arms so he could hook an one arm around her waist and pulled her securely against him. It was tricky but he managed to help support her. “Okay, you are definitely not okay. Come on.”
It was a familiar trek back to the infirmary but Matthew was adamant. There was no way the nurse could look at the disturbing colour of grey Katyusha had turned and not see that she was tiptoeing on the very edge of exhaustion. However he could also feel Katyusha’s hesitation. As they stepped over the threshold of the still very empty room, Matthew made his intentions clear.
“I’m not going to force you into anything, you just look like you really need a break. Do you feel okay? Can you eat? Hang on-”
He sat her down on the edge of the mattress and fumbled around with the food, carefully setting down a cup of hot tea for her and pulled the plastic lid off a bowl of soup before setting them down on the tiny side table.
“It’s nothing compared to your cooking, but… um…” Matthew cleared his throat awkwardly. “Look, I’m sorry for what I did earlier. I had no right to get grabby like that or order you around. I- well to put it plainly- acted like the world’s biggest ass and I really am sorry.”
He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, standing a good few feet away from her like it would break some unwritten rule if he dared move closer.
Matthew fidgeted for almost a full minute before he suddenly blurted out, “If you want me to leave I will! I know you’re not very happy with me right now- actually I’m not happy with myself right now- but just tell me to go an I will.”

There was no struggle as Katyusha was led back to the infirmary, not even one protest. She was starting to become weighed down by her body, the consequences much more evident than before. It was frustrating and already she could feel the tightness return to her throat, and started giving herself a rather harsh pep talk.
Don't you DARE start crying, Katya! You're a big girl! This isn't an excuse to go crying all over him. You are a grown woman. I am a grown woman...!
But maybe all of this stress really was getting to be too much for her...
What ever happened to her stamina?
It took her a couple seconds to process what Matthew was saying, and she smiled in the slightest. Why she smiled, she didn't know... Maybe it was just exhaustion.
Or maybe it was because of how WRONG Matthew was.
First of all, he wasn't in the wrong, she was! She was being ridiculous about this, and he'd just wanted to help. She was being selish and wasn't thinking straight; how ironic, considering that she was studying for exams.
Secondly, he couldn't be more wrong in his apology. He wasn't "the world's biggest ass" nor was she unhappy with him. ...Mostly. Yes, she'd been a bit peeved when he'd dragged her away to rest, but it had put some sense into her! They'd both gotten upset with each other and that gave her time to think, and when Katyusha got down to thinking---
Well, either good things happened or bad things did.
And right now...bad things were. There had been too much thinking going on, and now her brain was just about fried. A fried brain meant less thinking, and less thinking meant rash decisions...
Or rash words.
Or blubbering. Which she was probably about to do right---
"I-I-I'm sorry, Matvey! I-I'm so s-sorry, this is my fault! I've b-been horrid about this, I'm so STUPID, I...I...!"
Her outburst was accompanied by restrained sobs and shaking shoulders, and she did her best to stay quiet. Cradling herself with her arms again she bowed her head, biting her lip and trying to avoid any eye contact with Matthew. She wanted to be able to curl up into a ball and disappear, she wanted to stop feeling so bad---
But Matthew shouldn't be caught up in the middle of all of her feelings. It would be wrong of her to be so needy, wouldn't it?
Wouldn't it...?
She had never been "needy" about something "like this" before...so...
Was it wrong to need the comfort Matthew gave? Was that being clingy?
The whole new wave of thoughts just made her more upset with herself, and she apologized again and again, not sure if he really could understand her.
...This was embarrassing, shameful! She had more dignity than this, didn't she---?
...But apparently she'd reached her breaking point...

Matthew new what was about to happen the moment he closed his mouth. He could see the big shiny tears welling up against her lashes, red blotches tinting her nose and around her eyes, her chin wibbling in a way that would be just so adorable if it didn’t mean imminent emotional carnage.
Matthew’s body locked up, though out of fear or anxiety all he knew was that no matter how long he’d been with Katyusha he still didn’t know how to react when she cried.
“No- wait- what are you saying?” he sputtered, striding forward and kneeling in front of her. He cupped her shaking shoulders, rubbing his thumbs back and forth and squeezing, hoping to comfort. “Please don’t cry! I didn’t mean it! W-whatever it was I said I’m sorry! Kat, please don’t cry! It’s okay…! Damn it!”
Matthew stood again, whipping his head back and forth, searching desperately for a tissue box. Thankfully there was one perched on the corner on the nurse’s desk. He grabbed one- oh just grab the whole damn box.
Sinking down on the bed next to her, Matthew held out the box like a peace offering. “…here.”
Pulling in a deep breath, Matthew felt his hand twitch, moving up to run down his jaw in a gesture he usually made when he was smoking.
I could really use a cigarette right now…
No, you’re trying to quit remember?
Matthew slowly reached out, coiling an arm around her back and pulled her closer so she leaned against him. He tucked her head against his chest and rested his chin on top of her hair. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, pull her onto his lap and trap her against him until she stopped quivering, but he’d learned. Matthew left the physical contact as it was and just held her for a while. Not moving, just breathing. After a while he retracted just a little, enough so that he could look Katyusha in the eye.
“I know that sometimes I’ll have to step aside, for school or work or whatever else is so important to you. I was being selfish. I understand that now. I know I can’t be number one in your life all the time. It’s impossible.” Chuckling a little he looked at her through his lashes and over the brim of his glasses.
“I…” Another half-hearted puff of laughter. “I wanted you all to myself, to monopolize all if your time and not share you with anything or anybody else. I’m sorry, I misjudged my place.”
Pressing his palm up against her cheek, Matthew leaned forward so that their foreheads rested together and smiled. “I can’t help it, I like you too much.”

---

Sorry it's so... bleh
I'll see you in a week snookums!

For a moment, Katyusha felt that she had absolutely no control over her emotions anymore. She was shaking and crying, despite Matthew's efforts to comfort her, and frankly she couldn't feel more miserable. Letting out a heavy sigh, she decided to focus on Matthew instead. She'd listen to his words, his breathing, his heart---
Anything other than her thoughts.
Just listening...
Slowly but surely, the tears dried and her shaking calmed, leaving the couple in silence. Well, temporary silence; Matthew was talking again. And yet, the more he talked the more she disagreed, the more she blamed herself again and again.
You aren't selfish, I am.
You didn't misjudge anything, I did.
I'm the one who's wrong, not you.
...And again, her thoughts began upsetting her. The tears were already coming back--- No, she had to stay calm. She just had to listen and feel, nothing more. No more thinking, no more guilt, no more...THIS. She was more mature than this, wasn't she? Of course she was!
It was just...hard. It was hard being mature.
How childish of me.
Katyusha couldn't help smiling at his last statements, practically melting into his touch. She raised her hand up to cover his own hand that cupped her cheek, leaning into his palm and smiling a little wider. He really was to adorable for his own good, how could she ever stay frustrated with him?
Stupid, lovable, Matthew.
She opened her mouth to stay something, looking back at him with misty eyes, but nothing came out. She tried again... Nothing.
Now she was just looking like a gaping fish.
Blushing sheepishly, she turned her gaze to the tissue box in her other hand. Stupid Matthew...what could she possibly say?
Nothing.
She could say nothing.
But she could DO something.
Placing the tissue box on the bed beside her, she adjusted herself so that she could wrap her arms around his torso, giving him a tight squeeze. "S-Sorry..." came another apology, accompanied by a soft chuckle and sniffling. It may have been somewhat bitter, but she did feel a bit better about their situation right now...
...But her crying had made her realize just how exhausted she was, and she tried not to lean against Matthew too much. Instead, she held him, wishing that she'd never have to let go, even though she knew she would have to eventually.

Matthew smiled softly, reaching up a hand to gently rub circles around her back. The slight, constricting pressure against his chest was a welcomed feeling. Just as he’d unconsciously fantasized about the familiar warmth of Katyusha’s body leaning in against his, he tucked her close, both of them settling together like two perfect puzzle pieces.
At least she’s calmed down…
Matthew smothered a shudder, remembering oh so vividly how ragged Katyusha looked just a few minutes ago. At least some colour had returned to her face and she’d settled against him no longer shaking.
It’s so hard to see her like that…
For the almost year that they’d been together, Matthew had to admit that this was the first time he’d seen Katyusha so emotionally and mentally and physically stressed. There had been other times, when she’d come back from too much overtime at work, or had an important end of unit test. But this was beyond what ever seen his girlfriend suffer through.
Sucking in a deep breath and blowing it out in one big whoosh, Matthew leaned back on one hand, inclining them both just a bit. He hoped this helped. Just the two of them, using each other as a familiar source of comfort…
Discreetly, Matthew checked his wristwatch. The bell would ring soon, signalling the end of lunch the start of classes again. He shot a sideways glance at the tray of uneaten food. Katyusha wouldn’t last much longer without eating anything and he had enough common sense to know that she definitely wouldn’t appreciate him trying to push it on her now.
I can probably slip the drink and energy bar into her bag… At least that way she’ll have something to munch on…
“We should go somewhere,” Matthew said, musingly. He gazed focused downwards at his fingers that were now twirling a lock of Katyusha’s hair round and round the knuckle of his index.
“After all this, after your exams are all over. Just the two of us. In celebration.” A little more grimly he added, “This is the end of your school life, right? No more school for you…”
For a long moment Matthew stared unseeingly at the opposite wall. These were her last days here at the school…
He knew she’d only returned so she could gather the skills necessary to upgrade her jobs, but the idea that he’d be returning in the fall and Katyusha wouldn’t hit him like a ton of bricks.
Hitching his smile back on, Matt forced himself to beam down at Katyusha just as the bell rang, a reassuring grin to hide his momentary lapse in reality.

---

;;

Her breathing slowed and eventually her mindset returned to normal, leaving her with a slight headache from crying and maybe leaving her emotions a little tattered for the moment. The bell rang and she frowned, ignoring it for the time being and pondering Matthew's words. How unusual of her...usually she'd already be on her toes and heading to class; she hated being late. But now she didn't even bother getting up yet. How very strange, indeed...
Maybe she was too tired to care?
Shrugging the thoughts away, she pursed her lips and played with the idea Matthew had offered. Doing something afterwards would be lovely! It'd be such a nice break...but what would they do? Would it be casual, or fancy? Just a day or two together, or would this turn into some sort of road trip? Or perhaps they'd stick with the classics, dinner and a movie? Or maybe they'd do something out of the ordinary, or wild? Just thinking about ideas made her smile again, and she already felt more relaxed.
...But then another part of his words sunk in.
This really WAS the end of her school life. She wouldn't be coming back...
"I suppose you're right about that, yes... I-I never really thought about it, but...I really won't be coming back. Haha, that's so strange to think..." she replied, closing her eyes. It WAS weird to think like that, it was weird to think that she wouldn't have the constant stress of schoolwork or that she wouldn't see Matthew as often... The thought made her sad, and she didn't realize that her hands had fisted in his shirt, clinging to him as he looked down at her with a smile.
She wanted to see him more often, it wasn't fair to part like this...!
They'd been so tense with each other so often, why couldn't she leave when they were on better terms...?
Katyusha sat up, creating a little space between them, and took a brief moment to use some tissues to clean herself up. Sighing, she looked at Matthew and gazed at him for a few seconds...then nodding, answered with whatever confidence she could muster, "We will. We will go somewhere..." Biting her lip, she hugged him again although this time it was a much shorter embrace.
"I... Thank you, Matvey." she stammered, unable to say the words without her voice shaking and for a second she feared that she might start crying again. Parting again, she paused to shoot him a shy smile, despite her most likely ragged appearance, then gathered her belongings with a little hesitation (besides, she was tired) and left.
...OK, she paused at the doorway too, but how could she not? He'd been such a sweetheart towards her, even though she'd been terrible.
She was just...really thankful for him, as mushy as that was.
She really was.

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<u>;; Derp.