And with the next step comes...?

Matthew had to resist the urge to bury his nose in Katyusha’s hair no matter how strong the temptation was. The surrounding smells of the storage shed and of the plants she’d been working with that still clung to her skin didn’t mask her natural scent. Using a plastic fork, he scooped a mouthful of food, though he’d much rather be eating something- or should her say someone?- else.
“It’s not bad for store-bought,” Matthew said, swallowing another mouthful and grinning. “Though, it’s got nothing on your cooking.”
He chuckled endearingly at the way all the blood rushed to her face, turning her already pink cheeks even redder.
He couldn’t help it; with the back of his fingers Matthew followed the gentle curve of her jaw. It was a path he’d traced many times and it never got old.
“How’s work going?” he asked. “You’re not overworking yourself are you? I hope you’re not lifting anything heavy.”
One hand cupped the small of her back, the pads of fingers feeling the contours of the muscles of her back, sensing the almost always-present knots. When they’d been back at the house he’d been able to help Katyusha with her back and the soreness that constantly plagued her. Matthew could take on the extra chores while she relaxed or he’d help by massaging the kinks out with his own two hands (he’d gotten better at it since that time back at the school before Christmas).
Katyusha always did work too hard…
He didn’t mean to sound overprotective- that side of his worrying probably got on her nerves. But Matthew spied the faint dark rings circling under her bottom lashes and the exhaustion that always ghosted in the blue of her eyes. He knew it must be so tiring working as hard as Katyusha did, splitting her time between her job and school and yet she spared her precious free time for him. He didn’t deserve it.
And yet, although he knew she must be drained from everything, there was one thing he wanted to do more than any other.
Matthew wanted to kiss her.
No, that’s selfish!
Matthew set his empty dish aside and he quickly lost the battle with his self-control, his gaze dropping to stare hungrily at the soft pink plumpness of her lips. Shaking his head, he tried to look away but the sight was downright hypnotizing. He vividly remembered the last time he’d tasted them and they looked even more delicious touched with the coloured icing of dessert…

---

@3@

Knowing that he was only worrying about her, Katyusha tried to speak in a light, teasing tone.
"Lifting heavy things isn't that hard if you know what you're doing, Matvey. And work is fine...hard, but that isn't new."
She couldn't help but lean into Matthew's touch. The knots in her back practically screamed for his hands, but she ignored the ever-present soreness. She moved on to return to the question, except with school, as to distract herself.
The food was also a lovely distraction from the soreness; it really was good.
Or maybe that was just her hunger talking.
She took the opportunity to ask him about his daily life as well, finishing up her meal. She still felt guilty that he'd gone and gotten all of this, but she had a feeling that he would've done it anyways if she'd said not to. He cared too much to do that.
...And frankly, as edgy as his money spending made her, Katyusha was thankful that he was willing to do things like this, too.
He really was a gentleman.
Thoughts of the current scenerio swirled about in her head and, knowing that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from restraining the thoughts, she embraced them.
She was glad that Matthew suggested they stay here... It WAS rather peaceful, and people didn't come back here often. If they did, it was to restock the shed itself or something in the store...or to find some sort of tool. They could enjoy themselves, spend some well-needed time together, just the two of them.
Just the two of them on the "most romantic day of the year".
It was STILL embarrassing to think about. ...Their first Valentines Day together...
The thought alone left her breathless.
Needless to say, despite her unneeded anxiety, she felt very relaxed. She was happy and relaxed, and she was with Matthew. What more could she need?
She was just taking another bite of the muffin she'd taken for herself when a chill passed through her, and she glanced at Matthew from the corner of eye. Blinking at the realization that he'd been watching her, she subconciously licked at her lips, suddenly quite self-conscious.
His gaze was quite...serious? No, that wasn't the word...she wasn't sure how to describe it, but it put her in the spotlight.
I-Is there something on my face? Wh-What is it...?
Raising a hand, she quickly scowered her lips and cheeks with her fingers, searching for remnants of her meal and/or dessert, the blush on her cheeks returning.
Part of her was, indeed, very self-conscious, but the other half of her wanted to see more of that look. Ironically, it sent goosebumps sprawling down her back.
Honestly, this was so...so...!
___________________________________________________________________________

Crappy, crappy, crappy post is here.

Matthew frowned at her admittance of having to do heavy lifting and a smidge of dry amusement dotted his expression at the casual way Katyusha brushed it off. He chewed the inside of his cheek for a minute, studying her. It wasn’t… what’s the word he was looking for… emasculating. Katyusha was a strong independent woman. He knew that. He loved that about her. But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that it wounded his pride just a tiny bit. That mental image of being the manly boyfriend and doing all the hard things, like lifting heavy things (and maybe nonchalantly showing off his amazing muscles as he did it), popped like a soap bubble. Oh well…
As they chatted and talked the tension that had been hovering quietly in the background melted away. The lonely, wanting ache that had been building in Matthew’s chest vanished, replaced by a familiar and welcomed warmth. It was like they’d never been apart.
But the sensation dimmed slightly as the realization that their time was short and soon they’d return to barely being able to speak to each other.
It’s not fair, Matthew thought petulantly, not fighting the pout that creased his brows.
Katyusha was too beautiful. She looked flustered, fingertips searching for covertly searching for a crumb that didn’t exist. Too perfectly beautiful…
Reaching out, he started to tuck a lock of hair behind Katyusha’s ear, however, glimpsing the goose flesh now sprawling upwards from her collar, his fingers cupped the back of her head, weaving into the soft strands and gently turning her face to his. And with that, Matthew kissed her. Just like he remembered…
No.
It was better.
He moved his lips against hers, slow and sensual. There was no rush and he didn’t dare to.
With his free arm, he coiled it around her and pressed her close. Re-committing every wrinkle of cloth, every curve of skin to his memory.
Matthew didn’t stop until both of them were almost out of air. Withdrawing, glasses slipping down his nose and a sheepish flush dusting the tips of his ears down into the neck of his shirt, his eyes gazed into hers. He rested his forehead on hers, their noses almost touching.
“I’ve missed you,” he said softly in an almost pout. His actions were unusually bold for such a shy person as were his words, but Matthew couldn’t hold back.
He really, really meant them and he needed Katyusha to know.

---

o3o
Oh pshaw! Your posts are always amazing! Don't even! lol

Oh...
That'd been why he'd been staring...
It would be a lie to say that Katyusha wasn't taken aback by the kiss; he had suddenly been so...forward. She COULD say he'd almost been forceful about it, but that too would be a lie. She wasn't being forced to kiss him...she enjoyed every second of the experience. She enjoyed it and craved it, craved him---
But that wasn't the point.
His touches had been gentle but guiding, her skin tingling wherever he touched, the feeling of Matthew's lips against hers reawakening something inside her that she'd meant to leave behind at their house-sitting trip, in the past... Her reaction had been instantaneous; hands tangled into blonde locks, her heart leaped into her throat, and she let herself succumb to ever-growing happiness inside her.
Honestly, it was great to be with him again.
She really couldn't help the sparks of bliss that were now coursing through her veins.
He really didn't know what he did to her, did he?
She tried not to break their gaze, cheeks now glowing red from embarrassment, and couldn't help smiling again at his words. He was completely serious about it, she could tell...but then again, why wouldn't he be? The way he'd just kissed her, the look in his eyes, the way he held her...that was all evidence enough, even if it did leave her stuttering.
Trying and failing to hold back a soft giggle, Katyusha moved to shyly place a few small kisses on his lips. Her grip around him tightened in slightest and she closed her eyes, moving to hug him tightly.
"...I-I missed you, too..." Her response was so quiet she doubted whether she'd even said anything or not.
Had that just been in her head?
The pair remained like that for a few long moments until she moved to quickly grab a few sweets for herself, popping one into her mouth. Shyly looking back into his eyes, she held up one of the sweets an inch or so away from Matthew's mouth, offering it to him with a silent question. By now, she was blushing so much that she could've sworn she was going to pass out.
This wasn't how she usually acted... It really was all very strange...
Welcome back, emotional rollercoaster.

____________________________________________________________

Blaahh =A=

Oh… he’d definitely missed this.
Pulling in a deep breath, Matthew was elated to feel the familiar, pressure of Katyusha resting against his chest. She fit so perfectly into his arms.
She really belonged right here. In his arms.
A soft smile broke out across his face at her soft uttered words. Just like any time Katyusha said something so caring, like now, it took him a minute or two to believe it. It never made sense that she’d like someone like… him. He buried his nose in her sweet smelling hair, unable to resist. Perfect.
It was the sugar coating of the sweets infiltrating his senses that broke him out of his reverie. Blinking rapidly for a moment, Matthew looked down, flushing when he saw Katyusha’s offering. The pair of piercing blue eyes gazing up at him weren’t helping his nerves either.
Seems that he wasn’t the only one deciding to be extra bold today…
Matthew liked to think that the sudden daring was a sign that they were both becoming more comfortable with each other. Perhaps they’d gotten past the petrifying shyness they were both cursed with… That was a nice idea. Being open both mentally and emotionally with each other? That's what girls were always talking about in those relationship magazines right?
Stop daydreaming! Focus on the situation at hand!
There were two options, slow and risk looking suggestive or be quick and get the embarrassment over with. Well, it wasn’t so much embarrassment (he enjoyed the idea of Katyusha feeding him things more than he should) but she’d caught him off guard and his inner awkward shy kid froze, not knowing what to do. Did Katyusha want him to just eat it? Or was he supposed to take it with his hand? What to do? What to do!
Eventually, in the end, Matthew went with the latter.
He was anything but elegant as he jerked forward to capture the sweet, but he over-judged the distance and suddenly Matthew didn’t know whether to turn white as a sheet or go for full out maroon. He’d definitely got the sweet but in his move, he’d gotten the tips of Katyusha’s fingers to.
He backed away, so glad that he hadn’t bitten down too hard.
“Sorreh,” he mumbled through a mouth full of food, face burning unimaginably hot. He tried to break the abrupt tension but failed. “T-these are really… delicious…”
After a long, awkward minute, Matthew cleared his throat, unsure of what to say.

---

<_>

A gasp left her and Katyusha suddenly felt the need to pull at her collar, even though that would make her embarrassment obvious. ...Not that it wasn't obvious already with the colour of her face; her blush had spread to her ears and neck.
She was seriously thinking that she was along the lines of passing out...
Unable to look him in the eyes, she twirled a few locks of hair between her fingers, fiddling and fidgeting. That had been...odd. Exhilerating...but in an odd way. It had been an accident, a simple little accident, and he looked just as flustered as her, but... For some reason, she wanted to smile. She wanted to smile as much as she could and shrug it off. She wanted to keep smiling and offer Matthew another sweet, push it past his lips, kiss away the remaining chocolate---
Woah, wait, WHAT? Slow DOWN.
Stop it! Just stop!
Along with the emotional rollarcoaster, it seemed that her...er...promiscuous subconscious had returned as well.
...Or was that normal behaviour...?
She honestly had no idea.
Nodding shyly in agreement, she took a few calming breaths. She needed to relax...relax...relax... This wasn't going to turn into anything...sketchy, per say, not in a public place like this. Neither of them had the guts to even try that...right?
Katyusha took another deep breath before leaning back to clean up some of the wrappers; it was only natural of her. Leaving a mess here was improper and definitely a no-no. Quickly catching herself in the act of being nit-picky, she moved away from the chore back to Matthew, snug against him despite their embarrassment before. She treated herself to another sweet, blush still evident, and the temptation of giving him another hug also evident.
Would he think she was being clingy if she did that? Or moody?
He probably didn't want to deal with a moody girlfriend on Valentines Day---
But...she wanted to stay close to him... But that was being clingy, right?
Maybe she needed a little air. Or a chill-pill. ...Or a shot of vodka.
...Maybe all three.
No, no! This wasn't how Valentines Day was supposed to be! They shouldn't be this awkward...! Things were supposed to be romantic, they were supposed to be happy, not back to square one, tip-toeing around each other!
Fiddling with her hair again and, this time pulling at her collar, she gathered up the courage to look him in the eyes, speaking softly, "Um...d-do you want to go? W-We could...um...go somewhere?"
Smooth. Very smooth. That was VERY intelligent, Katya. You already asked him that, idiot!

________________________________________________________________

<A> Buuuhhh...

If Matthew were a dog, his ears would have perked. Despite his embarrassment, he was suddenly paying intense attention to the spark that danced in Katyusha’s eyes. Her expression, though still dusted in pink, seemed to flash with… sensuality?
Was she thinking of feeding him another…?
A plethora of scenarios ignited in his mind, and he wondered but the return of her blush, if Katyusha wasn’t thinking along similar lines.
Figured, shy as they were, both of them appeared to be closet perverts. Not that that’s a bad thing…
Matthew nearly choked on the remains of the sweet.
Think about something else!
“Eh?” Matthew said, surprised by her question. “Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll just clean this up, hang on.”
Gathering up all the wrappers and the rest of the garbage, he tossed them in the waste bin and held out a hand to help Katyusha up. He shook out his coat and shrugged it on.
“Ready then?” he asked, smiling.
They headed out front after Katyusha had gotten everything concerning the end of her shift settled. They were barely over the threshold when Matthew’s hand snaked outwards and tangled with her own and as unconscious reassurance, he gave it gentle squeeze.
Her skin was so warm and her long slender fingers fit perfectly into his like puzzle pieces falling into their proper place.
They walked down the street and Matthew couldn't begin to describe how wonderful it felt to stroll hand in hand in front of everyone. They'd done it before of course, but the thrill never left. Plus, they were doing this on Valentine's Day to boot! Fleetingly, Matthew wondered if Katyusha could hear the excitment in his voice as they talked.
He barely noticed when his feet transferred from concrete to grass. They'd ended up in the park.
Mildly busy with kids running around, a couple of joggers and some people sitting on the a nearby bench talking animatedly. Nobody seemed to notice just one more couple out for a stroll.
Matthew fell quiet, an interesting thought entering his mind.
It was a gamble... but why not take a chance?
Time to show just how bold he could be.
Matthew pulled Katyusha towards the tree line, grinning at her noise of surprise. He'd already picked out a willow near a small pond. It's long, curtain like branches offered the perfect place to hide. He swept the the vines aside and laughing lightly, Matthew curled both arms around her waist, pulling her against him.
Calming down, he smiled sheepishly. "Hi," he said lamely, and flushing a little, he added, "Sorry, I couldn't resist..."

---

Have fun on your trip wifey! \owo/

It takes a moment for her to clear her head of surprise, breath having been caught in her throat. Katyusha quickly examined their sudden hide-away, eyes darting around then returning to the violet orbs that always captivated her so easily. Light easily illuminated the haven, the thin trunk of the tree behind Matthew keeping him from moving back any farther. The swaying branches rustled softly as a light breeze blew through, and she couldn't help shivering a little.
Not that it wasn't already cool out, but still.
Even so, the cold was refreshing. Her cheeks were once again burning with embarrassment, and she was positive that she'd turned a bright shade of red. She couldn't help it! They'd been on a lovely stroll and she was happy and calm, but now they were suddenly hiding and she was flush against him and Matthew was smiling away---
Despite her flustered thoughts, a shy smile had taken its place on her lips and a light-hearted giggle escaped her before she could stop herself.
OK, so...what had happened to her personal bubble? Where had the line that she'd drawn so clearly go? ...Maybe both had dissapeared because of their stay together. She should be making a little space between the both of them...rather, she stayed where she was, hands on his chest as if to push him away but only looking downwards shyly.
She wasn't exactly making an effort to put space between them.
...WHY?
Shouldn't she be used to acting like this sometimes? It was so strange...and confusing...and a little scary, too.
Katyusha subconcious shifted in his hold, taking a small step back, but her heel caught in a lifted root and she slipped, balance having been lost. The result? She ended up cling to Matthew for dear life, bringing them closer than they were before.
And that was saying something.
Her blush deepened tenfold, and she stuttered out a hushed apology, "I-I'm sorry, I...um...!"
How come she was losing her self-control so quickly? It wasn't like this before, was it...? Maybe she'd missed him a lot more than she'd first realized.
Why did she have to pull herself so close?!
It was so hard to resist giving Matthew even just a tiny kiss...!

____________________________________________________________________

This is so short, I'm sorry, dl;sfja;lsdjf QAQ *dies*

“No need to apologize,” Matthew said, an unusually low chuckle rumbling from his chest.
The low rumble noises outside of their little tree oasis were muffled, making the abrupt flash of movement of Katyusha’s stumble- or more appropriately the aftermath- much more intimate.
Sure he hoped there might be a little canoodling… but this was even better.
Matthew reached up, gently prying away her clenched fingers from the front of his shirt and lacing them with his own. His amused grin faded a bit.
The way the slight breeze played the wisps of her hair and made the stands dance around her face, and the way the sparse beams of sunlight that managed to break through the vine-like branches sparkled in her eyes…
Why did he suddenly feel winded, like he’d been hit by a brutal crosscheck?
“I-I… um…” he stuttered bashfully. They’d known each other for months now but still Katyusha never failed to kick up the butterflies in his stomach.
She just looked… He wanted to say truly radiant, but that would be an insult to Katyusha. No words could do her justice.
There was a prevailing attitude in guys his age. Girls were just something pretty to look at, play with and possibly go further than just copping a feel. There were always more important things like hanging out with your friends or sports, and why get stuck with one girl when there’s so many more ripe for the picking? They were teenagers for goodness sake! Settling down was what adults did!
But… that’s what Matthew wanted… He wanted to stay like this. Just him and Katyusha. He tried to picture being with someone else, another girl, but his mind drew a total blank. When he saw himself graduated from college, living in a small but comfy house with the big yard (large enough to make a skating rink in winter) and car having Katyusha there had become an automatic piece of the puzzle.
Ugh, I’m starting to sound like a girl again. A little cute house with a white picket fence? That’s what I come up with? Really?! Besides, I’m too young to be thinking about this, not to mention Katyusha may not have the same feelings about staying with me for that long…
“Sorry,” Matthew apologized, sure that she’d saw him zone out there for a minute. “Are you okay? You didn’t hurt your foot did you?”
He’d meant the words to come out caring, but the closeness of their bodies, Katyusha’s warm breath brushing against his face, and the growing intensity in the air… well, it was all making it very hard to sound only like a sweet innocent boyfriend.
"Kat..." he whispered, heavy-lidded eyes meeting her gaze with relish.

---

sdjfh;sdh I'm sorry it's so late! And it sucks ;A;
I'm sorry *wibbles*

Concern pricked at the edges of her expression at Matthew's sudden silence, her blush having faded for now. Shifing back a little, Katyusha watched him, waiting and wondering...and she found that she didn't know what to make of it. He had been blushing before, but now he looked...serious? Far away? In thought? She didn't know how to describe it.
Either way, it left her questioning and worrying.
What was wrong?
WAS there something wrong?
If so, what then? What could she do?
He was OK, wasn't he? Was he sick?
...Maybe she was overthinking this. Not every single one of his silences meant that something horrible was afoot. She needed to relax, big time. And right now, standing with Matthew in this little oasis...that wasn't too hard.
It was when he started asking her questions that she really snapped out of her fretful phase, her blush returning with a vengence. She couldn't help it! He wasn't speaking...normally? Was that how she was suppose to say it?
Swallowing thickly, Katyusha nodded in response to his questions, - reassuring him that she was alright - and tried not to break eye contact with him. She suddenly felt quite shy, but that didn't stop her from...feeling. Everything seemed much more...accentuated right now.
Every slight movement left her mind hazier than it was before, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, breath intoxicating her senses...
Gosh, it was hard to think!
But what came next had no thought involved, only instinct.
Her lips found his and sealed together for a few long seconds, breaking apart only to suck in a quick, nervous breath. Her cheeks burned out of embarrassment and she pressed another brief kiss to his lips before pulling away. The pair remained only inches apart, and Katyusha found that her head was spinning.
"S-Sorry...um..."
Honestly, where had her words gone all of the sudden?
There wasn't any excuse for her behaviour. She COULD always blame her subconcious, but that wasn't a good excuse at all.
...Why was she looking for an excuse? Was she really that nervous?
Or was this excitement?
She couldn't tell anymore.

____________________________________________________________________

Buuuuhhh, I'm sorry this sucks so much. ;;

Matthew stared for a long moment, mind still caught in the fog of their kiss. They way their mouths connected… He could really just kiss her all day. He didn’t need to eat, or do his homework. He didn’t even need to breath if it meant he had to choose between air and Katyusha.
All too soon she pulled away, Matthew stretching his neck as far is it could go just to keep contact for a second or two longer, resisting the urge to growl. Reluctantly, he drew back. He didn’t blame her, Katyusha always seemed to like quick pecks more often than just sucking the faces right off each other. She was a lady like that, he thought with a smile.
But the words she squeaked next surprised him.
“Sorry…?” he repeated after her, expression both shocked and confused. His eyes studied her pale heart-shaped face for full minute, opened his mouth, closed it again…
Then suddenly he burst out laughing.
Real, happy, belly laughs that made Matthew double slightly over Katyusha, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He could practically feel the heat of her blush and her embarrassment. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from giggling and guffawing into her shoulder.
After a bit he managed to collect himself enough to face her again, one hand bumping up his glasses to wipe at his glee induced teary eyes. Katyusha’s wide-eyed, bewilderment almost made him relapse back into laughter. She was too shy and innocent for her own good.
“Sorry,” he said, making an apology of his own- though he was still grinning like an idiot. “I-it’s just what you said.”
He stood a little straighter and rolled his shoulders like he’d just had a relaxing workout and not an idiotic giggle fit. Inhaling a calming breath, Matthew reached up and gently cradled her flushed cheeks between his palms, the tips of his fingers knitting into her hair.
“You never have to be sorry for kissing me. Ever. I’m yours.” His eyes were suddenly very tender and the mood in their little sanctuary grew steadily tenser. He could feel goose bumps sprawling across his skin from it.
Matthew tried to break it by chuckling. “You can kiss me whenever you like. I promise, I will never complain.” He looked down awkwardly at their entangled feet, then back up at her through his lashes and over the frame of his glasses, the tips of his ears turning pink. “…like now?”

---

DERP.
<A>

Katyusha blinked at him, even more confused than before. She could only listen to him laugh as her thoughts swam about in worry. What was so funny? Whatever it was, she didn't get it---
But that was when he explained.
...Oh.
She couldn't help the small chill that shot up her back from Matthew stating that he was, indeed, "her's". Her's? Why was that thought so...appealing? He was...her's? Only her's? No, no, that was selfish---
But, as embarrassing as it was so admit it, the thought really was VERY appealing.
It didn't help that his hands on her cheeks was comforting; his hands really were much bigger than her own...so big and so warm.
His last statement left Katyusha's face alit, blushing from the tips of her ears to the end of her nose. Ducking her head shyly, she couldn't help but smile as a small giggle escaped her. He was so cute. Looking back up at him, she shuffled closer - back to her rightful place - and, wrapping her arms around his neck, flashed him another embarrassed smile before pressing her lips back against his.
She honestly had know idea how to respond to his question, not verbally anyways. So...was this OK?
She kissed him lightly, chastely, each kiss a little longer than the last, a little more fervent. And with each kiss, she could feel herself being pulled into that delicious haze again. It was a bit scary, but...it was something she wanted to indulge in.
Was that wrong? Or selfish?
Fingers tangled themselves into the golden strands of the back of Matthew's neck, hesitance still evident but accompanied by a much stronger feeling. It was a feeling of curiousity, of want, of unanswered desires---
What WAS this feeling...?
After a particularily...needy kiss, she had to break for air and she pulled back in the slightest, avoiding and biting her lip nervously as her cheeks seemed to get redder than they already were.
She wasn't getting carried away was she? She didn't want to get ahead of herself, she wanted to be sure...that this WAS OK.
But her words were caught in her throat once more. Why couldn't she just speak up?

__________________________________________________________________________

Aaagghhh /A\

Matthew panted heatedly, greedily sucking in the air he’d so willingly let Katyusha steal.
The taste… Her taste…
It was absolutely intoxicating. His tongue darted out to flick at his now damp lips for the last remnants of her sweet flavour. The skin of his neck tingled with goose bumps and he could still feel the exact places where her fingers had raked through his hair. She did it without knowing, but more than almost more than any other place touching that spot on his neck send almost all the blood in his veins rushing southward in a hurry.
Honestly, he hadn’t really expected her to grant him his wish. Kat’s demure shyness- and even his own, had always been something of a roadblock to any daring either of them may have. Her reaction happily surprised him. He’d have to make sure to ask her to kiss him more often – though his libido wouldn’t thank him. He wondered how much more he could take, and, in a wisp of a thought, he wondered if they’d ever make it a possibility of going further…
He wanted more but Katyusha pulled away, making him groan achingly and he quickly bit his lip to smother the noise. It took another long inhale to calm himself, holding it for a long moment before releasing it with a smile. Matthew reached up with one hand to gently rub up and down one of Katyusha’s arms that still hung around his neck. His expression turn comforting. Honestly, sometimes he wondered if she was in danger of fainting considering how hard she blushed. She was nearly as red as the paper hearts that littered the halls back at school.
He could only half see her heart-shaped face because his glasses had been knocked severely askew but he didn’t have the heart to ruin the moment by fixing them, so he tilted his head to the side.
Katyusha looked like she wanted to say something. The telltale signs he’d grown familiar with, the frantic nibbling of her bottom lip and the way her eyes fluttered from his face than back down again and the worried crease between her brows… He recognized them instantly.
“What is it?” Matthew asked, soothingly. “Tell me. Please…?”

---

<A>

Eyes managed to meet somewhere along the way, and Katyusha shot him a quick smile although it vanished almost instantly. Embarrassment and worry were all just a big muddled mess inside her head; as if it wasn't hard enough to think already.
The rubbing on her arm was a little comforting, so maybe this wasn't all that bad---oh, who was she kidding, she LOVED this. She loved being with Matthew, the way he walked, the way he talked; the little things he did for her, she loved all of them, she loved his smile, his laugh, his kisses---
She was in love with every little trait, every little habit of his.
The thought was making her smile, although she didn't realize it. And she still wasn't meeting his gaze.
There was also the fact that he'd been talking to her.
Now would be a good time to answer, hm?
Taking in a shaky breath, Katyusha lifted her head and locked her gaze with Matthew's. It was a wee bit hard to do this in her current state, but she did it anyways. Swallowing thickly, she tried to find the proper words to answer him. She found that she felt she was under pressure, absentmindedly twirling his hair between her fingers as she mused.
Fidgeting was becoming something that she automatically did.
Once words were found, she swallowed again and answered slowly, cautiously.
...Odd how she was almost taking "steps" just to talk to him.
"Th-This...all of...this. This is..." A pause, "This is...alright...right? This is OK?"
"How far is still OK?" was the question she wanted to ask, but she didn't DARE say it outloud.
That was too...too...blunt. Too "out there", too...!
She stared back at him, unaware of her slight trembling - whether that be from the previous rush or how nervous she was, she didn't know - and wishing that just for ONE second, he really COULD read her mind.

__________________________________________________________________________

Hurrrr

Matthew raised an eyebrow questioningly.
Okay? Was this…okay?
What did she mean by that?
Was she uncomfotable and just too shy to say it outright? Being overly consciencious of herself was just a part of Katyusha but he’d always thought if he was doing something she really didn’t like she’d up and say so right to his face. Sure Katyusha was shy, however he knew there was a tough as nails girl hiding just below the surface who was to be feared and respected.
There was something else though…
Katyusha… Katyusha was trembling…!
At first he wondered if it was him or what they’d done, his hand slipping from the middle of her back to her hip, ready to let go if she told him to. Then he thought perhaps that she might be chilly and tentatively pulled her closer, wrapping both arms aorund her. It was only Febuary after all and Katyusha was smiling…
Still… he didn’t think that was quite it…
Resting his cheek against her arm, he looked down at her blushing face, a mixture of confusion and amusement.
Ah.
He knew what it was.
Katyusha wanted to add something else… but something was stopping her.
The corner of Matthew’s mouth twitched.
“No,” he answered, voice shockingly loud and clear inside their little hideaway. “No this isn’t okay.”
He obviously caught her off-guard and he had to struggle to keep a straight face.
“It’s just terrible.” He leaned down so their noses brushed against one anothers. “Absolutely terrible. I mean, how can I possibly stand this?”
He laid a quick short kiss on the corner of her mouth then pulled back again.
“Horrible I tell you.”
He pecked her lips again.
“Downright torture is what this is. Too cruel a fate.”
This time the kiss was a bit slower and Matthew finaly lost it, unable to keep his smile hidden anymore. “Kat,” he called softly, “I’m kidding. Of course this is all right. You don’t have to worry.”
Their eyes locked and for a long, seemingly neverending moment his eyes searched hers. Licking his lips absent mindedly, Matthew murmured, tone low and serious. “That’s not what you really wanted to ask though… was it?”

---

Idk... derp IB

OK, now THIS was just confusing!
She could only blink in those long moments when Matthew's lips would meet hers, but his words would be contradictory. Her blush remained as bright as ever, but she couldn't help the tightening in her chest when he'd said no so bluntly. Her brows furrowed, causing a crease, as she tried to decifer his actions.
Was that really a yes, as in it was OK? Or was it a no?
Was he teasing her? Was he serious?
She was confused...was he critisizing her kissing? Katyusha wasn't sure what to think--- He didn't sound very serious, so that was reassuring, but still...!
I-I'm probably thinking too much. Yes, that must be it---
Her tensity quickly melted back into embarrassment at his last statement. The fact that he wasn't taking his eyes off of her, not even for a second, wasn't helping. A small chill ran through her because of the very sound of his voice, and the heat in her cheeks was definitely coming back; she briefly wondered if she really WOULD pass out...all of these changes in her mood must be taking a toll, right? Right?
No? Yes?
Maybe?
Katyusha shifted so that her hands were settled near his shoulders - close to his chest - and tore her gaze away from his, chewing her bottom lip vigorously. What was she supposed to SAY? ...Well, she KNEW what she was supposed to say, but it was so...! For one, it was embarrassing and she didn't really need anymore blood in her head. And secondly...what would Matthew think? Would his opinion of her change?
She didn't want him to get the wrong idea, so...what could she say?
...And could they really...take it a step further? Was that honestly...OK?
All she really knew at the moment was that she was way too flustered for her own good.
She sighed, the air coming out in more of a huff, - apparently she'd been holding her breath while thinking - and fiddled with the material of his shirt, unable to look up at him just yet. She just needed to gather herself, get a hold of herself and calm down...yes, deep breaths and a little bit of courage. It was a little baffling how nervous she was about asking one little question, and for a moment she questioned her sanity.
But now wasn't the time for that.
Finally looking up into his inquisitive eyes, she simply hugged him. She hugged him and remained still for a few long moments, before answering softly, "No...I-I was wondering...um..."
Come on, spit it out...!
"U-Uh...how far...how far is still...still..."
The words were refusing to come out, stuck in her throat. She lowered her voice even more, to the point of whispering next to his ear. Maybe rewording her question would help...but how could she reword it? It wouldn't make sense if she did... She just had to say it.
"...OK. How far...is still OK...?"

________________________________________________________________________

Durrrr <A>

There was no stopping the electric shiver that ran up his spine at Katyusha’s whispered words. Matthew’s mouth fell open, slack jawed.
S-she… she was serious… wasn’t she?
Suddenly, both he and the Captain were paying very, very, very close attention.
He blinked blankly, lips moving to form some kind of answer, but all he got was knowing he looked like a gaping fish. Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. Close.
Why couldn’t he make any words come out?! This was not the time to be impersonating a mime!!!
The heat crawling upwards slowly upwards from the collar of his shirt crept higher and higher, blending with the flush that had the tips of his ears turned bright red. The temperature seemed even more pronounced where Katyusha’s arms rested around him. The contact burned in the most delicious way…
He’d guessed that Katyusha had something on the more embarrassing side to share- her severe flush and flash of shyness made that pretty clear. He just hadn’t expected it to be… well, this.
By all accounts he should’ve been happy- ecstatic! If he understood properly, Katyusha was asking if moving forward in their… physical relationship was okay. A guy was supposed to be kicking up his feet, rejoicing! However, the first thing Matthew felt in his gut was fear.
He’d grown comfortable with the chaste, bashful kisses they’d shared so far. Sometimes they pushed a little further than that, but never far.
Potentially, she was opening up a whole new, unknown field, which he knew nothing about. What was okay? What were the boundaries? He didn’t know! If she was giving the go ahead for more and he did something wrong, he was pretty sure she wasn’t going to let him try again.
Matthew looked down at Katyusha’s heart-shaped face through his uneven glasses, still shocked speechless. He could still feel her quivering…
His lips felt suddenly very dry and he darted out his tongue to wet them nervously.
After a few minutes, he puffed out a breath and managed- finally- to regain his voice.
“H-how far…?” he asked, voice barely above the tender spring breeze, like anything too loud would shatter the moment. “Kat…”
Raising one of his hands he brought it to cup her cheek, running his thumb gently over the smooth skin just below her eye. The feeling of her lashes brushing against his thumb-tip pulled at his breath, forcing a small, affectionate sigh from his lungs. She had the most beautiful eyes…
Matthew easily admitted he had no idea what to do now- he had absolutely no experience when it came to this. Gentlemanly manners had been drilled into his behaviour since childhood and as he grew up he understood its importance. However, gazing down at Katyusha, feeling their bodies pressed together from knee to shoulder, there was a spark in the back of his mind that dared him to imagine pushing those boundaries. He had always wanted to try something…
Maybe Kat knew that though…
She was so sensitive to those around her, always worrying, always fretting over whether or not she was looking after them properly. Even if she didn’t know she was doing it, unconsciously, she had everyone else in mind. Was she doing that for him? Moving out of her comfort zone because of him? Matthew had hoped that together they might both be able to grow out of their perpetually shy personalities, however if she was only pushing this because this is what she thought he wanted… The idea horrified him.
“Are you sure?” he blurted rather abruptly, flushing further. “I’m not looking for anything… “
Sexual. Come on, say it…
“C-carnal.”
What? Who uses ‘carnal’ anymore? That died with the dark ages, buddy.
Shut up! Matthew shook his head.
Redder still, he focused back on Katyusha. “I don’t want to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You… you’re too important to me.”
How were they supposed to talk about this?! They were possibly the two shyest people on the planet! And it didn’t help that he was a guy. His brain processed simplicity. Kissing good, groping bad. Cuddling good, frenching-
Matthew stopped.
Well, they’d never tried that.
He’d never actually sought to.
He was part French but that didn’t mean he’d be any good at it. Besides, maybe Katyusha thought that kind of kissing was gross.
Swallowing anxiously, Matthew chewed at his bottom lip. Now might not be the greatest time to test that theory.
But…
“Can I try something?” he asked, voice small. He leaned closer.
“T-tell me when to stop,” he whispered, “and I will…I promise…”
And with that he kissed her, however this time was different.
His movements were on the edge of demanding, pressing more forcefully than he’d ever attempted. His hands moved upwards over his hips and higher over her ribs until they reached her upper arms, gripping them firmly but carefully, and pulled her impossibly closer.
The desperate want for air made the rush of it all even more intense, and gathering up as much courage as he could, Matthew made his move. Delicately, he parted his own lips, tongue gradually stirring forward to brush against Katyusha’s, pleading for admission.

---

sudfhsd
*dies*

Things were falling into place very, very quickly; so quickly, in fact, that Katyusha wasn't sure if she could handle it...let alone how she would react.
Excited shivers passed through her, starting from the tips of her toes then moving up her spine, and ending at the tips of her fingers. That light-headed feeling was coming back more prominent than before, leaving her completely exposed to her senses.
How had they gotten even closer than they were before---?
She suddenly sucked in a sharp breath, pulling back in the slightest as her eyes fluttered open at the new contact.
Oh...THAT was what he was talking about...
Oh, she knew what that new pressure was.
She definitely knew what that was.
And it was because she knew what that was the dizziness was returning.
In all honesty, she was scared. It was silly but in a moment, she had a dozen worried thoughts in her head. What was it supposed to feel like? What if she wasn't any good at it, what if she messed up? Was this honestly OK? Matthew had, well, implied that it WAS OK and that he was just worried about what she thought. But that didn't help her thoughts, because SHE was worried about what HE thought! It was all so mixed up---
Before she'd even realized it Katyusha was already returning the kiss, having abandoned her thoughts for now. Hesitantly, but she had responded. Her answering had been yes from the very start, as embarrassing as that was.
She lacked the fire that he had, but in spite of that she tried not to..."lack", per say. Any movements were slow and cautious, and her grip around him remained tight... She wasn't looking for dominence on her part, not now...she was merely...experimenting? Was that the right word?
The feeling was...it was...foreign. Foreign, but thrilling. Wet muscles prodded and slid past each other, each clumsy but searching, searching for an answer to unvoiced desires. Her breathing had become laboured, and she found herself trying to hide small noises from Matthew. Her fingers found his hair again and pulled rather roughly, but untintentionaly.
Her subconscious was sick of her hesitence and, apparently, was taking charge.
Their mouths could hardly remain sealed at this point, for the heat of passion was awakening again. She was losing her grip on reality and falling fast, too fast--- But she couldn't find it in her to care. Fingers were already knotted into his hair, her body flush against his and still craving to be ever closer, the heat that seemed to engulf every part of her overwhealming and making her even dizzier was shared with Matthew's own evident...excitement.
Would that be how to describe it? No, no, that was embarrassing, wrong---
...Wait, what was wrong?
...What was right?
Well...THIS certainly must be right.

__________________________________________________________________

I'M GOING TO STOP HERE BEFORE I WRITE AN ENTIRE FANFICTION.......
*HIDES FOREVER* >/////<

Oh…!
Oh… Oh God…!
Not…enough… Not enough!
Matthew’s jaw moved- awkwardly at first. It was more… slippery than he’d expected, and a tad messy too, not to mention there was the odd butting of teeth but as the sensations rushed his senses he pushed for more. More… More… MORE!
He didn’t care about messing up! He didn't want to think before he acted! And quite frankly he couldn’t give a flying fart in space over being a perfect gentleman anymore!
He just needed her...
Only her...!
He moved deeper into her mouth, tasting, exploring, lusting. The more he explored, curling and tracing, the more he wanted to know.
The tiny little pips and squeaks spurred him on, adrenaline and a heat so viciously delicious it was if devouring her whole wouldn’t be enough.
His hand snuck around the hems, desperate for skin to caress. Denied by the layers of material, his brows creased severely in frustration.
Skin! He needed skin!
Finally- by some miracle- he found an opening and his hand slipped up the back of her shirt, pressing firm strokes near the base of her spine. The pads of his fingers burned slightly from being cold to suddenly so warm. He smirked at the sharp gasp he drove from her as he splayed his chilly palm flat against her, tracing it downwards so it lay on the familiar sweet spot of the hollow between her ribs and hip. It was so tempting to move upwards… towards her soft, malleable, chest that pressed against his own. Distraction got him before he took that thought any further, his hand instead sweeping across her stomach before returning to her hip in search of even hotter skin.
Beautiful… delectable… Katyusha… My Katyusha…
God… he couldn’t even think straight anymore…!
It wasn’t hard to understand why though.
He loved her so much… And right now he wanted to posses all of her. Every since fibre of her being.
His and his alone.
Bodies squeezed so hard together, hands grabbing for any kind of purchase, it was inevitable that evidence of just how excited he really was began to show. It didn’t help that the two of them were squirming against one another, yearning to become just one millimetre closer. Matthew tried to turn his hips away, to save what dignity he had left- even debating whether or not to break off the kiss before things got out of hand-
That’s when he felt Katyusha’s fingers in his hair.
Matthew broke away for the shortest of seconds, their lips parting so he could release a long, pent up moan. It was single-handedly the dirtiest, boldest noise he’d ever made. Had he been in another mindset, he probably would have turned a shade of red that would make a beet jealous and go find a dark hole to go curl up into an embarrassed ball in. But this Matthew… He went back for more, not bothering to hide his new and suddenly more… vocal tendencies.
To anyone outside the curtain of branches it probably sounded like there was a rutting animal nearby, and if he was being honest with himself, that’s exactly what he was.
Pain mixed with pleasure as Katyusha’s fingers grappled in his hair. The rough yanks sent a visible shiver shooting down his spine, blood pounding in his ears and involuntarily he bucked his hips against hers.
The sharp, abrupt movement of Katyusha jumping in shock was what broke him from the lust induced frenzy he’d been throwing himself whole heartedly into.
Matthew grabbed her shoulders, jerking backwards with a gasp and ignoring the harsh yank on his scalp.
“I-I-I… I’m so sorry!” he gasped raggedly, stuttering so hard he barely managed to get the words out. He blinked blurrily up at her, his glasses having been lost during... well, during whatever that was.
He stumbled backwards, wincing at his new… dilemma. His expression probably looked like one caught between one of pain and one of terror.
“I-I-I s-should’ve stopped! I d-didn’t mean to-!”

---

/3\ sdfhksjh I don't even know anymore!

No sooner had the words left Matthew's mouth that Katyusha's hand met with his cheek in a rather harsh fashion.
A good ol' slap across the face.
Her actions didn't really click in her head right away; she'd simply moved and done. The world had been spinning and all she'd really been feeling was euphoria, a pure ecstacy in their little "adventure"... Her body was hot, trembling, ACHING for more of Matthew's touch; she was short of breath, unable to quell her trembling...
The shaking only got worse when her actions really sunk in.
Wrapping her fingers around her necklace, she clung to it as if it would give her peace. She didn't dare look him in the eyes, instead turning her gaze to everywhere else and wearing a look that was a mix between confusion, longing, and fear.
Longing, because how could she NOT want more of...THAT? Not that she only wanted the physical part of their relationship, no! That wasn't it! It was just...just...so intoxicating.
Confusion, because Katyusha didn't know whether to feel aroused or disgusted, excited or nervous, happy or furious, or whether she wanted every inch of him RIGHT NOW or if she wanted to run and hide. Her feelings were mixed up and conflicted one another, and the world had started spinning again. In a bad way.
She was angry with, not him, but the BOTH of them, for being so foolish and being so...rash. Undignified. Shameless.
Where had their self-control gone?!
And fear...because of everything that had just happened. She didn't know why she'd hit him, but she did know. She didn't want any more touches, but she did. She didn't want to hear any more embarrassing noises from Matthew AND herself...but she DID. This was so wrong! They shouldn't be even attempting it in PUBLIC, but no - SHE had to say something. They would've been just fine with cuddling and sweet little kisses here and there, but she'd gone and opened her mouth. She'd started thinking with her body instead of her brain.
...But the thing that scared her most was how badly she wanted...more. It was terrifying! They'd ventured into a whole new ground of their relationship; she didn't know when enough was enough, or what lines NOT to cross!
She'd opened up that opportunity, then slapped Matthew across the face. Very smooth, but that wasn't the point.
She was scared of what she might do next.
Biting her lip so hard that she thought she might draw blood, Katyusha figeted with the necklace, eyes misty and unwilling to meet his own scared orbs. She hadn't realized she'd been mumbling mostly to herself, switching from English to Ukrainian then back to English. "I-I...I-I'm sorry...! Oh God, Matvey...Чому я відчуваю себе, як це? N-No, I know why, but...Мені дуже шкода, я боюся, але ви ...!"
This was too confusing! What am I supposed to do?! I-I hit him even though I...! I'm horrible! I'm making NO sense, what do I do...?

________________________________________________________________

Here, have some emotionally confused Kat. =u=;; It's not exactly Captain-kicking, but... LOL

Well… That couldn’t have gone more wrong.
Matthew didn’t reach up to cup the searing sting biting at the side of his face, blinking rapidly to stop his pain-induced watery eyes.
At least he could take pride in one thing. He’d been right all along. Katyusha was a hell of a lot stronger then she let on. He had to bite his lip to stop himself from releasing a sour chuckle.
Every muscle in his neck still felt the strain of his head snapping to the side so suddenly. He didn’t dare turn back, standing as still as a statue. It was impossible to look her in the eye. At least he didn’t feel like any blood had been drawn.
But there was something… Something he did feel, burning at his insides, bubbling upwards.
Anger.
Vicious, blazing, betrayal.
She hit him. Katyusha had told him it was okay- and she HIT HIM.
His hands curled to fists at his sides and his jaw began to grind back and forth. What had she expected? He’d stopped hadn’t he?! He’d even apologized!- but no she had to hit him like all this was his fault! How could she?!
Did she enjoy yanking him around like this-?!
Stop.
Matthew shuddered and pulled in the longest breath he could, pinching his eyes shut before opening them again. The anger drained away as fast as it had come, leaving only a hollow feeling in its wake.
No, he couldn’t think that. How could he? This was Katyusha, his Katyusha. She didn't have a cruel bone in her body. He could never be angry at her, not in a million years. He was wrapped around her little finger- happily so.
The heavy sensation of guilt gather in the pit of his stomach like lead. How could he even think those things about her…? It wasn’t like she meant to do it on purpose.
He could hear her trembling voice, so unnerved that she dropped into her native tongue. Usually, when Katyusha spoke Ukrainian it enthralled him… but now… It broke his heart.
Had he scared her...?
The idea that she was afraid of him hurt far more than the slap ever could.
Stooping down, Matthew felt along the ground for his glasses, finding them and resettling them over the bridge of his nose. Getting to his feet, he straightened his shirt and jacket, squared his shoulders and looked directly at Katyusha. Well, not really. His gazed stayed fixed over her shoulder, focusing on a shadow dancing beyond the branches.
“I’m sorry.”
Matthew almost flinched at his own words. They sounded stiff to his even to his ears. He brushed it off, running a hand through his hair and walking over to the vines, he swept them aside. Staying alone was probably not a very good idea, maybe Katyusha would feel better if there were other people around. If he were her, the last thing he’d want is stay alone with the creep who'd just humped you.
Matthew dropped his head, a fresh wave of embarrassment washing over him.
That’s exactly what he’d done to her, wasn’t it?
No wonder she’d slapped him. He deserved it.
He didn’t touch her as they walked back into the park, keeping a respectful distance away. Matthew didn’t even try to hold her hand.
All his fears from earlier seemed to be coming true one right after another. Katyusha let him move forward and he’d royally screwed up. Now, he was trapped in some kind of uncomfortable limbo. Could he? Could he not?
Would asking help or make things worse?

---

\owo/
(the Captain thanks you for no kicking LOL)

...I feel sick...
Katyusha cradled herself with her arms, trying to shield herself from a sudden cold burst of wind. The weather remained in its beautiful state, but her feelings...weren't as beautiful, per say. Far from it.
...She couldn't stop shaking. And not from the cold.
This was so...weird. The extremity of the tension between them was unnerving, and the fact that she was still running on a bit of an adrenaline high meant that she was still slightly caught up in a sort of haze. Things were very unclear right now... But of course, that wouldn't do at all. Things had to be clear, no matter what!
But perhaps that was a naïve way of thinking.
None the less, the cogs in her brain were already spinning madly.
The pair continued walking along as her brain worked, not really knowing where they were headed but heading to their non-existant destination anyways. She couldn't help glancing up at Matthew once in a while and every time she did, her stomach tied up into even more worried knots, which didn't help her stress-induced "nausea". He looked so...not Matthew-like. He was so...distant? No, that wasn't the word... But that wasn't the point, he was just so...not Matthew. He was stiff and not smiling and---
Had she made him angry? Oh God, had she...?!
He had all the right reasons to be mad. She'd enforced this little step in their relationship and then all of the sudden, BOOM! Never mind, don't want that, nope, nope!
She was being extremely rude and complicated, not to mention indecisive and violent, to boot!
...She could still see a nasty red mark on his cheek... It must've hurt, even more so because of the cold.
She'd slapped him out of surprise, out of a sudden fear, but that didn't mean she hadn't been enjoying herself. It wasn't that she'd hated it, oh no, not in the least! That - whatever "that" was - had been the greatest rush she'd experienced yet. It was so new and frightening but so addicting and the craving for more and more nearly drove her mad...!
This was ridiculous. How was she supposed to function with so many mixed feelings?
It just made things hard.
I'm awful. This is your fault, he at least deserves an apology!
Yes, an apology.
....That is, if she could ever get the words out.
Without stopping, Katyusha spoke quietly, glancing over at him again, "...I'm sorry. Again. ...This is my fault, I-I shouldn't have...said anything i-in the first place."
There. It was out. An apology. She doubted he'd heard, but at least it was out.

______________________________________________________

Have some angst? <A>;; Derp, idk, asldfj;as This is dumb, aahhh l;sdjf;a

The longer they walked the more Matthew felt his head clearing. Not knowing where they were going but walking briskly anyway, the more steps he took the more all the jumbled up feelings tearing up his gut seemed to calm. Rational thinking returned, thankfully taking control of his runaway panic and Matthew spared a glimpse down at Katyusha. His face crumpled in a severe frown.
Her expression was so… full of anguish, so sad- she was even shaking…! But it was her words that made his inside churn with actual pain.
She was sorry? This wasn’t her fault alone. It was just one giant accident. They were two awkward adolescents, mistakes were going to be made- some more painful than others, he thought, testing out his still newly clocked jaw- it was inevitable. Neither of them had done something like this before and they were paying the price for the experience.
Matthew stopped and it took a couple of seconds for Kat to realize that he wasn’t at her side anymore.
Taking half a step onto the grass so they wouldn’t get run over by a couple of joggers, he turned away and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache staring to come on.
“Don’t apologize…” he sighed exhaustedly, shoulders sagging. Figures the world’s two most awkward people would find a way to make a situation worse while trying to say sorry. Not that he was making things any easier.
Enough was enough.
“Kat, it’s my fault!” Matthew burst. Releasing a frustrated breath, he turned back to face her, pushing his glasses on top of his head and running both hands over his face pressed hard on his eyes so the dark sparked with little white lights. He flinched a little, his cheek stinging sharply at being touched but he was glad for the sensation. It served as a reminder. Blinking blearily, he looked directly at Katyusha.
“I said I didn’t expect anything from you- and I don’t!” he said seriously, wanting to make his sentiment clear. “But even after saying what I did I still pushed too far and assumed too much. I said I would stop, and I did, but not before breaking your trust. I do want to- t-to move forward I mean, however, I won’t let it happen until you’re ready and you’re confident enough to let me, Kat. And I know I’m not helping with my bloody silent treatment.” He smiled dryly and tried to lighten the mood. “I’ve been an asshole of a boyfriend, I know.”
Holding out a hand, he invited her to take it, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards in a cautious smile. “We said we’d be more open with each other, talk about things. This really isn’t your fault. I wasn’t thinking with my head” –not the right one at least- “and I overstepped the boundaries you’re comfortable with. I’m sorry, Katyusha, I really am.”

---

<_>

Her anxiety wasn't getting much better.
It was just...just the way he moved, acted...he seemed relaxed, but he...wasn't? It was hard to explain, it was hard for her to even understand, but...that was just what she saw. She saw frustration. He really was mad, wasn't he?
He must be---!
...Even after his apology, even after her anxiety lessened, Katyusha felt guilty.
Matthew DID have a point, but that didn't mean she wasn't still critisizing herself. She'd egged him on, she pushed for more, she never said anything---that resulted in him pushing too far too, and her lashing out. They were both at fault, but she couldn't help feeling awful.
But...was he blaming himself? No, no, no, that wasn't right! Even if he was partially in the wrong, it wasn't entirely his fault either!
The only wrong that was really...REAL, per say, was "too fast".
They'd moved too fast, they'd thought too little, and they'd assumed too much and nothing.
...All of this was so confusing!
But it wasn't confusing at all, really. She knew the facts. They'd messed up, and these were the resutls. There wasn't any mystery to this.
Maybe it was because this was her first time dealing with...physical troubles.
Taking his hand hesitantly, Katyusha gave him a small smile and a quick squeeze, lifting her free hand to rub away the coming tears. He was being the mature one here...he wasn't getting upset, he was calm and collected and taking the front. Why couldn't she do that...?
No.
She could.
She could too, couldn't she?
They HAD said they'd talk, so it was her turn! Shutting up her feelings and crying wasn't going to fix anything. She could do this!
...Right?
"I-I know...but I...I..." she stuttered, guilt gnawing away at her conscious. She couldn't shake that awful feeling--- Come on! Say something!
Taking a deep breath, she tried again, speaking quietly, "I...I'd like to t-try again. N-Not now, of course! But...I would."
What?
What on earth...?
Where had that come from? Wasn't she supposed to be apologizing?
Was that her subconscious' version of acceptance, or what?
...And why was she smiling all of the sudden?

__________________________________________________________

This is not IC at all, lsdjf;lasdf Gghhh---

That made Matthew do a double take.
Again? She wanted to try… again?
He stared at her wide-eyed for the longest moment, not knowing how to respond to what Katyusha just said. After what just happened… she was already giving him the green light for another attempt? Well, he wasn’t about to try again right here, jumping her in the middle of the park with all these people watching wouldn’t help things at all. But when they were alone again…
The flabbergasted expression slowly morphed into on of weariness.
Katyusha may be ready for try #2 but that didn’t mean he was.
Again, he touched his cheek.
It wasn’t that he was afraid of being hit again- though Kat had quite the arm- or any other physical pain. Honestly he was surprised that she hadn’t kneed him in the naughty bits earlier. Although the idea made him mentally curl up into a ball, Matthew knew he could handle it. That kind of pain would eventually go away.
It was the emotional backlash he was scared of.
What if they did try for another go round and things went even more wrong than the first time? What if Katyusha decided that it wasn’t the actually making out part she disliked but him? One wrong move and his ass would be kicked right out the door. He’d be alone again…
God, I sound like such a girl! Get it together man, c'mon!
Matthew shook his head, setting his glasses back on his nose. He needed a smoke.
Sighing, he gazed down at Katyusha who had the oddest smile sliding across her features. It was good not to see her crying anymore… but what was she smiling at? Weren’t they in the middle of some monumental emotional drama…?
Girls are so weird.
It was getting later in the afternoon and the February chill was beginning to return as the sun slowly sank down behind the buildings of the town. Shifting in his jacket, Matthew offered his hand out of reflex, debating whether or not to withdraw it and pretend like nothing happened, but left it there hanging in mid air waiting for Kat’s reaction.
“It’s getting a bit chilly out here,” he said awkwardly. He really was at a loss about how to handle all this. Was it okay to change the subject, close the preverbal door on that whole mortifying ordeal, or were they supposed to discuss it more or something?
Forget men’s magazines full of cars and hot chicks in bikinis, they needed to write procedure manuals on how to understand this relationship stuff…
“I have few movies back in my room, wanna head back and watch one? We could grab a few snacks on the way…?”
He smiled though it came out weaker and more pathetic puppy than he wanted, waiting for her answer.

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Go to bed wifey! ;3;