And with the next step comes...?

“Oh. Right,” Matthew blanked, feeling supremely stupid. He’d gotten so swept away in the presence of Katyusha he’d completely forgotten the lights!
I really am a cliché lovesick puppy! It could rain fire and I wouldn’t notice when I’m around her!
He dropped his head into his hands, berating himself over and over again. Did Katyusha notice him getting all goo-goo eyed, tripping over himself and stuttering? She probably did! What if she found it annoying-?
Matthew yanked his hands away and sat up straight as she returned, trying to play it cool.
His gaze drifted up with hers to the top of the tree, quirking his head to the side. “It does look kinda… bare doesn’t it?”
Chewing the inside of his cheek musingly for a minute, he blinked coming back to reality at her expectant look. He was supposed to know what to do with them? Who did he look like, Martha Stuart?
“Uh,” he thought out loud. “I guess we could fit them on the tree. We’ll just have to be careful with ornament already on. Hang on I’ll go grab that garland to.”
Matthew quickly found it, jogging his way back but slowed to a stop by the kitchen. Staring off into the reflective material, fighting off another sneeze, he thought about the tree they usually put up back with his family.
It would be nice to have something as a tree topper…
Wait.
He had an idea.
It was a few more minutes before he returned to Katyusha, but when he did he snuck up behind her and holding the box in front of her smiled awkwardly. “Here’s the garland! A-and…” Matthew hesitated then revealed the other. “ and … um… here.”
Made out of tinfoil, shaped into the form of a star with a sort of stem thing that could be coiled around the tip of the tree, he was pretty sure a third grader could do better. And the more he looked at his creation, the redder he turned. Coughing embarrassedly, he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand nervously. “I… well, that is… It’s stupid I know. I just thought… Sorry.”

---

*shot*

Katyusha busied herself with another examination of the tree when Matthew left for the moment, biting her lip thoughtfully. She attempted to begin wrapping the lights around the tree properly, being wary of the decorations and fiddling with the brances. She pulled back after a few moments; she needed more than one pair of hands for this. Not to mention she was at a bit of a height disadvantage...
Matthew was soon back in the room with the garland---and a star? ...A tinfoil star? Had he made it? Just now? She gingerly took it from him, blinking in curiousity and surprise. It was extremely simple and, sure, it wasn't the most creative thing but...she couldn't help but puff out a small laugh.
"Matvey...you didn't have to make this." He really did try too hard. But she WOULD put it on the tree; how could she say no? It was the perfect touch. Their own - Matthew's own - special touch.
Setting it to the side for the time being, the pair began working at putting the lights on the tree. It was indeed a bit difficult with all of the decorations on...maybe they should've thought it through a bit more. Next the garland went on and with a bit of struggling with that too, everything was finally on. The results were a bit rough around the edges, but who could blame them? It wasn't like they both sculpted for a living. Now, all that was left was to plug in the lights and put on the star, and everything would be set! It wouldn't be a gorgeous work of art, but it at least made things more homey.
Katyusha moved to reach up and put it on, when she stopped.
...She was once again having to deal with the issue of height.
She shuffled a little to the side,fiddling with the "stem" of the star, looking for a way to be able to reach the top even though she knew she wouldn't find it.
Should I ask for a boost? N-No, no! J-Just go find a stool or something!

________________________________________________

=w=

Matthew fidgeted, severely flustered. He couldn’t help but grimace as Katyusha looked over his pitiful star. Perhaps that wasn’t the smartest idea. Get away for the holidays with his girlfriend and here she probably thought he spent all his time staring off into space or delving into his perpetual lack of creative skills to spawn horribly warped decorations out of tinfoil. Great.
But he felt slightly guilty for not having something as obvious as a tree topper. He couldn’t even remember that the lights go on first!
He flinched as she laughed, preparing for the ‘This is great but let’s use something else’ he thought was for sure coming. However, Katyusha said no such thing. He helped with the lights and garland, again kicking himself for forgetting the lights. The garland brought back his sneezing and he tried to silently smother them, showing no more than a twitch and pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t so much his cold anymore, more likely all the stirred up dust.
Matthew came out from behind the tree where he’d been searching for the end of the lights to plug into the wall, peering over to Katyusha who consequentially was attempting to stretch high enough to add his decrepit star.
She looks cute up on her tiptoes like that… Focus Matt! Stop staring! We want her to think blanking out is not one of your special hobbies, remember?
He didn’t want to scare her, so he cleared his throat softly before gently scooping her up, star and all. The movement was so natural he barely spared it a thought. She was so warm, so delicate to hold. Matthew smiled up at her, bringing her close enough to the tree to reach without straining. Blood rushed to his face, the moment feeling much more intimate than he expected it to. His arms wrapped around her legs, dutifully supporting her- and also dutifully not staring at what lifting her like this left him eye level with.
Katyusha set the homemade star on top, looking proud… but he didn’t let go.

---

blahhhh

Even if Matthew had given her a warning, being lifted up still surprised her. She'd wanted him to lift her, but she didn't. It was helpful, but it was embarassing! He shouldn't have to do this. None the less, Katyusha carefully placed the star ontop making sure it was steady before she pulled her hands away. The tree was...certainly something. Half of it was fluffed up in a semi-proper way and a tinfoil star crowned its tip. It was a funny sight indeed, but she couldn't be happier.
Not to mention that she was a bit proud she'd gotten to put the star ontop.
Leaning back enough to look down at him, she spoke with a bit of caution, trying not to let him see how childish she really felt. "Well...what do you think? It's very...ah...u-um...I-I..." She never finished her sentence; she'd only JUST realized the position they were both in. Her cheeks flushed red as she stared down at him, at a bit of a loss what to say or do next.
She knew what she was SUPPOSED to do; just get down and move on. It SHOULD be that simple.
But right now....right now, Katyusha felt like this could be one of those romance movies where the lovers were in a similar situation and always ended up in a kiss. And with even more embarassment, she realized that she WANTED to kiss him. She wanted to so badly... Subconiously, her hands moved from his shoulders - where she'd been supporting herself - to cup his own blushing cheeks. Almost immidiately after the action, she retracted her hands and placed them back on his shoulders, biting her lip.
Matthew wouldn't be happy if she kissed him while he was still partially sick...it would only make him more worried, and she didn't want to cause that.
She looked off to the side, her cheeks and ears burning bright red. S-Stop it, already! Just stop! Relax, be casual, RELAX...!
"U-Um...I-I...th-the tree looks nice, doesn't it? I-It could be worse, haha.."
Well, that was smooth. Cracking a joke while you stuttered wasn't something someone would call a convincing act.

_________________________________________________________

I blame The Notebook. Completely.

“I like… it…” His voice quieted, trailing off as he felt her hands traced upwards across his jaw leaving his skin tingling in their wake. Katyusha’s long slender fingers were slightly cold, contrasting with the heat in his face. Unconsciously, he pressed his cheek closer to one side.
But then, just as swiftly as the movement had come, her hands were back on his shoulders, her expression abashed. Her pink bottom lip blanched white from her biting it.
Disappointment plagued his mind, gnawing at his insides. It took him a moment but he understood why she wouldn’t kiss him. He was still all germy. Got it.
Just a couple more days… then I’ll be rid of this stupid cold for good…!The red in her cheeks flared as she asked him about his thoughts on the tree, still he couldn’t seem to look away from her.
Matthew smiled, not even sparing it a glance. “It looks great. I have to say I don’t normally get to do all this. Usually I get forgotten in some corner and the tree’s finished before I really get the chance.” He laughed, for once without the bitterness. Katyusha had taken that away. Eyes sparkling behind his glasses his smile turned tender. “But with you…”
There were no words, as super cliché as that sounded. And he wasn’t about to say that out loud. His sappy girl quota had been reached for the day. That, however, didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the moment.
And enjoy he did.
Winter’s early sunset left the room dim, the overcast sky outside a darkening lavender. He didn’t want to, but slowly Matthew lowered Katyusha, hearing the small ‘tup’ of her feet meeting the floor.
“Hang on, let’s get the full effect.” Uncoiling his arms from around her, Matthew went hunting for the plug to the lights again, taking a few seconds to find it and then plugging it in (which took a little working since the wire was a bit short so he had to move the tree a bit) Still the essence wasn’t lost as he plugged it in and the lights shined. He retreated back to her side, a hand touching the small of her back before slowly curling around her waist.
He nodded his head approvingly, smirking at a job well done. “Not quite Home & Garden magazine front cover worthy but considering what we had to work with I like it even more.”
Contentedly, Matthew ducked and pressed a lingering kiss to her hair. “Because it’s our tree.”
And he meant every word.

---

Fluff! Fluff! Fluff!

~~Time skip: Christmas Eve day~~

The days had gone by at an easy pace, a pace that only the pair could really keep track of. They'd talked, laughed, and fumbled around once in a while. Katyusha had become quiet relaxed - for her, at least - over the period of time, but now was a different story.
It was the day of Christmas Eve, and she was freaking out.
Majorly.
She'd become to absorbed by the goal of relaxing and having a good time while she could that she'd forgotten to PREPARE things. It was out of her nature, it was rare of her to do, but it had happened. And around Christmas of all times! So, now that it was the day BEFORE, she was starting to have a bit of a panic attack.
She stood in the living room, mentally going over her to-do list.
Th-There's too much to do! I have to make sure we have a proper meal, which means we need food and we need to actually COOK it. Who knows how long that will take!
Her mental rambling went on and on, and was just getting worse. Subconciously, she was attempting to rub her lower back.
I have to wrap Matthew's present---not that it's any good anymore... Stupid Katyusha! You just HAD to mess up, didn't you! I've got to clean the house a little, then get things ready to clean up for TOMORROW---
Biting her lip, she tried to take in a few deep calming breaths. She was getting too worked up! This should have to be such a huge deal! Not to mention that the pain in her back was getting distracting.
Why does my back hurt so much...? I don't want any more issues, please God, no more!

_________________________________________________

ono

Christmas Eve.
Matthew smiled into the foggy mirror of the bathroom as he finished toweling off his hair from a shower.
Tomorrow was the big day. Christmas. Finally.
-Not that he didn’t enjoy spending an unlimited amount of time alone with Katyusha. She already made this the best holiday ever in his book just by being. But tonight … he had plans to unfold. And the best part? He was no longer sick! Which meant everything was a go.
Dropping the towel to his shoulders, he pulled on his clothes. A pair of jeans and his only clean, unstained red button up shirt was about as good as it was gonna get. He didn’t exactly have “fancy” clothes so these would have to do.
Humming a few bars of 'Cantique de Noël’, Matthew grabbed his glasses- still slightly foggy themselves-, setting them back on his nose as he made his way back to his room. Yeah, that’s right, he had a room now. After a few nights on the couch and one wickedly kinked neck, he’d awkwardly asked to move upstairs. It was definitely better than couch, especially knowing Katyusha slept in the room right next to his.
And that's where the thoughts end... Christmas Eve so none of that.
He shut the door quietly, listening for a long moment to make sure Katyusha wouldn’t be walking in at any second, before reaching into his bag for his brush and the small, square golden box he’d had hidden away at the bottom. He set it proudly beside him on the bed, studying it as he dealt with his hair (a Canadian 'fro was NOT something he needed right now, thank you very much!)
It had taken him several failed attempt at wrapping her necklace, and even now it looked like he’d tortured the thing with too much tape. He hadn’t remembered a card either so his plan was hoping she wouldn’t notice.
Tucking everything away, Matthew straightened his attire and then proceeded downstairs. He wanted to see his girl-
The blithe smile that had hitched itself across his face flickered when he saw Katyusha.
“Hey,” he greeted, his voice full of concern. The entire room seemed to be drowning in stress, the highest concentration surrounding Katyusha herself. And he guessed she must be in pain again because she was rubbing her back like he’d seen back at school. Matthew gently reached out, cupping her shoulders and giving a supporting squeeze. “Kat, is everything okay?”

---

Awwwwww~

Katyusha turned her head a little at the sound of his voice, and yet still jumped slightly at his touch, but relaxed when her mind registered that it was Matthew. She seriously needed to relax if she was going to get jumpy, too. Leaning into him a little in an attempt to relax again, she sighed. "I-I'm OK...w-well...sort of. Not really."
She raised a hand to brush a few stray strands aside, expression laced with worry, concern, and most of all anxiousness.
"I'm just stressed...th-there's so much I---we---need to do...!" She became even more tense than before as she went through her mental list once again. How on earth was she supposed to get this all done?! Yes, Matthew was there, too. Yes, he wasn't sick anymore, which was wonderful! But she wasn't going to make him her SLAVE of all things. He was still her guest, after all.
Little did she know that she was mumbling under her breath, more just reminders to herself. Not that she was really listening to herself. She was so caught up in her panic that not even her subconcious was successful in bringing her back to reality.
Then, for a moment, she arched her back in hopes to rid herself of the pain---and a painful pop sounded, resulting in her trying not to groan. Loudly, at least. It hardly seemed much better, but it WAS better than before.
Katya, he's going to think you've gone absolutely MAD. Just calm down! Calm down, breath, breath in, breath out, sit down and think it through, RELAX...
Another sigh escaped her and she silenced herself; fretting over the list she'd already prepared wasn't going to get it done. So, she settled for trying to calm herself a little and in that attempt, she placed her hands over his for a moment, before turning around to face him compeletely. "I-I'm sorry...I'm worrying too much, I know...b-but..."

_____________________________________________________________

Aaaaaaah, my brain died. X_X

“Kat,” Matthew breathed urgently but gently, hoping to sooth. He squeezed her shoulders again, one hand drifting down between her shoulder blades when the most terrifyingly loud snap echoed from her back. His movements froze. Did that come from her… back?
“K-Kat, are you…? Was t-that-?!” He directed her to the couch. “M-maybe you should sit down!”
He sank down beside her, trying not to jar the cushions too much. Hearing that sound had sent a wince and a panicked shiver up his spine. And moving his hands back up to the joints of her shoulders, Matthew subconsciously began to massage small circles with his thumbs. Until he realized what he was doing, that is; yanking them to his lap and fiddling with the hem of his hoodie with a blush.
She’s so tense…
“What can I do to help you not worry?” Matthew asked honestly, smiling good-naturedly. “Take a deep breath. There. Now, tell me what you want me to do.”
He hated seeing her fretting over a day that should be cozy and calm, just the two of them together. It was the last thing that he wanted. Katyusha was just getting into the relaxing part of vacation to, and he hoped it would stay that way. This was their first Christmas together after all. He’d do everything she needed.
Standing, Matthew faced her, expression determined. “Is it cleaning? Or cooking? …I’m not really good at anything other than pancakes- But I’m sure I can figure it out!”

---

o3o

Worry was seemingly etched into Katyusha's expression for good as she stared up at him. It was nice of him to offer a helping hand, but there was a part of her telling her that she shouldn't let him. Thinking about having him work around the house made her feel GUILTY... She KNEW it was all in good will, but she couldn't help her anxiousness. "Matvey, you don't have to..."
Part of her mind was telling her to reprimend him, but the other part was reprimending that part. There was no reason to scold Matthew, he was just trying to help.
The more reasonable part of her mind was also saying that a little help COULD be useful. She wouldn't be so stressed out - especially on the day before Christmas, where she should be enjoying herself - and maybe she could do something for the aches in her back.
That just makes me sound OLD...
Letting out a small sigh, her gaze wandered from her lap, to the floor, then back up to him. "I-I don't want to make you...but...it would be nice if you could start a little bit of the cooking...? Y-You don't have to do that SPECIFICALLY---" And once again, Katyusha had been reduced to a stuttering fumbling mess by absolutely nothing. Lovely. She stood up, biting her lip and fighting back the urge to have a good cry.
Maybe a shower would do her good. Loosen her up a bit.
...Or at least a nap.
Maybe even just a small chore.
ANYTHING to distract her.

____________________________________________________

<A>

“O-okay…” Matthew answered, unsure.
What… what was happening? His expression slowly drew into a worried grimace. Was it just him or did she sound annoyed at his presence…? Her tone had thrown him for a loop. A very insecure, very unnerving loop.
Katyusha looked on the verge of tears…
What should he do? Comfort her, naturally, however he was getting the vibe that she wanted her space right now. And wrapping his arms around and cuddling her wasn’t a good idea.
“N-no, it’s cool. There’s a chicken in the fridge… if chicken’s okay with you…” He swallowed nervously, voice trailing off. Matthew stood there uselessly for a minute, mouth opening and closing but no words actually coming out. The tension in the room grew.
Finally clearing his throat, Matthew ran a hand through his hair.
“You should- could”- he corrected himself. If she was mad at him ordering her around wouldn’t be earning him brownie points- “take it easy. I’ll be fine unsupervised. The oven probably won’t explode.” His forced laugh was shaky and apprehensive. “What about taking a break? I’ll look after everything. I’m staying here to after all.”
He touched her shoulder, leaning in to kiss the top of her head, but froze halfway, turning it into an awkward shoulder squeeze instead.
Was she really annoyed by him? They had been spending a lot of free time together, a fantastic gift in itself… to him. Perhaps all that together time wasn’t the same to her. Matthew stared into the fridge unseeingly. Had he overstayed his welcome?
Pulling out the chicken, he stood in the middle of the kitchen stupidly. What was he supposed to… Pot! No not that kind! He needed a cooking pot!
Though honestly he could use a bit of 'that kind' right now...
He dug through the cupboards, picking one at random.
Now what?
After a while, Matthew clued in that cooking needed a recipe and flipped through a couple of cook books. He wasn’t usually so inept in the kitchen. Sure pancakes and KD were his favorite dishes, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have some chef-like abilities. It did mean, however, that his mind was so caught up in fretting about Katyusha he nearly put a whole lemon in with the chicken. And after another mishap with almost pouring in the wrong spice, he got the damn thing into the oven.
Was he being a clingy boyfriend? Katyusha was his first real relationship. Maybe she found his attentions suffocating...
Stupid lack of experience!
Blowing his hair out of his eyes, Matthew turned the timer and sank back. It should be ready in about an hour. Enough time for him to peel some potatoes. He grabbed a knife and watched the peels fall into the sink, wondering what Katyusha was doing.

---

@_@b

Her gaze followed Matthew for a few moments after he pulled away from his shoulder squeeze, biting her lip again. Something was wrong...had she said something wrong? He looked worried...was he worried? Why would he be? She hadn't offended him somehow, had she? He'd said he wasn't too experienced with cooking, yes, but---
Confusion and still more worry built inside of her, and it was when she felt tears brimming in her eyes that she knew she needed a rest.
Or a distraction.
Which ever came first.
Katyusha headed upstairs to her own room, throwing a glance to his room. She hoped he was able to make himself more comfortable; forcing him to stay on the couch the entire time was no good. He'd just end up sore, and they were supposed to be relaxing.
...Speaking of relaxing. Wasn't that also something SHE was supposed to be doing? And yet, here she was with her stomach in knots because tomorrow was Christmas. She'd been doing fine until she realized it was Christmas Eve. Stupid brain...sometimes she wished she didn't use it so much. All she ever did with it was worry, anyways.
A bottle of vodka would be nice right now...
Now, now. Getting into the drinking habit whenever she was stressed was NOT something to pick up. Maybe she would have to stop having those 'occasional drinks' with Ivan... Her subconcious told her 'it was all in family, just a little tradition, just four or five drinks, no big deal' but she figured that if she was craving alcohol then she might have to cut down.
She spent her time wrapping up Matthew's gift, trying not to get upset over it again. She still wasn't happy with it; the design on it now felt too simple and out of place, and she hadn't managed to get one or two paint stains off. She kept repeating to herself that it would be fine, that he wouldn't mind...but her imagination would run off with her. What if he thought it was sloppy? Would he not want it then? Finally, her job was done and she set aside the present for the time being. Then, Katyusha simply lay back on her bed and stared at the ceiling, losing herself in thought.
She didn't know how much time had passed and she didn't bother looking at the clock. She just knew that she didn't want to mope around or wallow in self-pity. She needed to get up and do something. ...I guess I really am a workaholic, huh...? When she was downstairs, she didn't directly confront him. Instead, she leaned against the wall and watched him peeling the potatoes. Why she didn't go right away, she wasn't quite sure - she just felt the need to LOOK at him for a moment. He still looked off...had she really said something that awful? There were too many questions whirling in her head. She definitely needed a chill pill - NOT a bottle of vodka.
She blinked a little when his gaze wandered and met with hers, giving him a bashful smile. She'd been caught - oops!

Okay. Relax.
Matthew took a deep breath, trying to calm himself but instead almost ended up nicking himself with the knife. He sighed, focusing on the half peeled potato in his hand. He wasn’t sure how to feel right now. Confused, frustrated, understanding? It felt like he was walking a thin rope and he couldn’t get a proper footing.
Grabbing another potato, he decided on one thing. He didn’t trust his emotions right now. Logic was his only tool, and logic told him that the best thing to do right now was to give Katyusha space.
He comprehended the need for personal time. After all, he himself had spent much of his time alone and if he thought about it, he was still adjusting the idea of having someone else. Sure he was normally surrounded by people, fellow students at school and family at home, though they rarely noticed his existence leaving him to his own solitary devices. Matthew wondered about Katyusha. She was so shy but he’d figured she had better relations with people. Maybe he was wrong in his assumptions. Kat wasn’t on great terms with her siblings and she’d mentioned not having seen them in a long time. How... tragic. At least when he was feeling particularly lonely he had his relatives to lean on.
Matthew turned off the tap, shaking his hands of excess water before drying them on a towel. He’d already filled a pot with water and proceeded to add the peeled potatoes in. He was just placing it over the stovetop burner when the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. He looked up, swiveling his head and saw Katyusha leaning against the door of the kitchen watching him.
He blushed beet red.
“K-Kat-! Er,” he cleared his throat in an attempt not to squeak with surprise. “How long have you…” Licking his lips nervously, Matthew smiled. “I, um, hope you’re hungry. Chicken’s in the oven and the potatoes just have to boil. Is there anything else you’d like?”

Shaking her head at his question, Katyusha walked further into the kitchen and glanced around at what he'd done while she was gone. He certainly worked efficiently for someone with...SOMETHING...on their mind. "N-No, I'm fine. But...we still need something to drink, too...we COULD use the rest of the hot chocolate. Or the tea. Whatever is fine with you.." She'd rather not have any alcohol; sure, it might make the atmosphere more romantic, but maybe this was the time NOT to rely on her feelings.
It just didn't feel...right.
Huh. What an ironic statement.
She made a mental note to ask him what was bothering him. If she didn't at least ask, it would be on her mind for the rest of the day. But if Matthew didn't want to talk about it, that was OK. That was OK, that was OK, that was OK... It was his business, not her's, and she wouldn't pry. That was rude, anyways.
She took out a few glasses for themselves, leaving them empty for the time being. They didn't need to be filled right away; they still had to wait for the food to actually cook. So, she almost automatically retrieved the potato peeler and began to clean it. Now that she had her hands busy, maybe she could give herself a quick pep talk. Calm herself down a little.
But the pep talk never came. His expression was lingering in her memories; seeing him so focused was a bit odd. Or was it actually not odd at all?
...How much did she really know Matthew...?
The question scared her.
"Um...Matvey? Are...you ok?" Katyusha spoke no more than those hushed words. She had a feeling that if she tried to expand on the question that she would only make a fool of herself. Besides, that was all that really needed to be said, right? For a moment her gaze remained on the peeler in her hands, then it shifted to meet with his own again. As much as it scared her to look him right in the eye right now - but WHY was she scared? - she knew that there were more ways to speak than with the mouth.
Body language was all a part of communication, too.

____________________________________________________________

Angst worry worry angst <w>

Matthew nearly dropped the container of canned cranberries he held in his hands at Katyusha’s words. He shut the cupboard door, turning to face her square, leaning back against the counter. Well this was confusing. Katyusha seemed to be having a hard time but she was asking if he was okay? He was so emotionally exhausted already and it wasn’t even dinner yet.
Annoyance flickered momentarily through his emotions. She was on the verge of tears, he was worried about her couldn’t she see that? But he immediately pushed the feelings aside. Turning this into a fight- on Christmas Eve no less- was not what he was aiming for.
Matthew tossed the can back and forth between his hands thoughtfully. “I’m fine,” he answered, smiling slightly. It wasn’t a bitter smile, but it was shadowed and he guessed Katyusha had caught a glimpse of it. He sucked in a deep inhale.
It was like hitting a brick wall of reality. He realized he and Katyusha weren’t quite on the same page. Their age difference probably played a rather big role in that, he guessed, but also both of them had a habit of extreme shyness and a need to please the other. Real emotions were kept bottled up for the sake of not upsetting each other. It all seemed quite childish. And he couldn’t help but dabble in the question of whether or not Katyusha was just placating his feelings…
Matthew stopped tossing the can and set it on the counter. Time to break that habit.
“I was worried about you,” he said bluntly, avoiding his usual hedging. “You seemed really upset, and I thought you wanted time to be alone.”
Their eyes locked, his gaze growing with intensity.
Matthew almost didn’t notice the potatoes starting bubble over. Pushing off from his place, he grabbed a wooden spoon and gave it a stir, staunching the bubbling for now. But standing at the stove left him almost shoulder to shoulder with Katyusha. He regarded her silently. Her tiny slender hands scrubbed scrupulously at the peeler though it was already clean. Distracted, she looked so distracted.
“Katyusha,” he said, speaking her full name earnestly. “Are you all right?”

---

Yeshhhhh angst! XD

Matthew's gaze put her in the limelight, and she felt the need to shrink away from it. The way he looked at her just then made her feel so...so...exposed. It was as if she was a book that had once had a lock on it, but in that moment he could read whatever he pleased. That SCARED her, it scared her so much---
Then Katyusha froze when he asked her a question of his own. She was a bit taken aback by it. This truly was an odd situation for the both of them, and she was unaware of the bitter smile that grew on her lips. This should be an easy question; it was a yes or no answer, and then all she had to do was confide in him and they’d be fine for a little bit. Instead, she wanted to be able to pour her heart out to him without crying her eyes out at the same time. She wanted to be able to say ‘I’m not OK, Matthew. It’s so hard to be ‘OK’, you have no idea.
Instead, she shook her head, fighting off the tears in her eyes.
Why am I so damn SCARED…?!
“I-It’s silly, really…you’re worried over me, but…I’m…worried over YOU.” Katyusha took a moment to brush a stray hair back, doing her best to be casual. Her act was painfully fake and she knew it. This was so simple, why on earth was this so hard? She just had to tell him she'd gotten worried because he'd changed all of the sudden. Maybe the change was a good thing, but maybe it wasn't! Well, now she knew that he was worried over her and wanted to give her some space. That wasn't a bad thing, no! Personal space was required for everyone and besides, they were both still new to relationships; they were learning along the way, finding boundaries, tripping over the obstacles, but heading forwards anyways. That's what couples were supposed to do, right? It was all in the process of getting to know each other, seeing if that person was...right.
And it really was about time that she started heading down that road again.
She NEEDED to open up. Maybe it would take some of the weight off of her back.
Katyusha knew that she had to take a leap of faith, that she needed growth---but that one step seemed like the longest jump in the world to her.
"I'm just...really stressed out. Christmas is tomorrow and I don't feel like I've done anything useful...but I guess I'm a workaholic like that, huh...? I...really need a little help, um...'cooling my jets'."
Even this little bit of talking was helping her relax a little. Perhaps she needed a lot more help at this than she first thought.

______________________________________________________

Look at me go, angsting away! X'D

Like lightning, Matthew’s hands shot out on either side of her waist, trapping Katyusha against the counter. He towered over her. The sudden movement was startling but his expression was tender.
“Why can’t you just tell me that?” he asked gently, almost teasing. Exhaling, he puffed a breath of laughter. “How can you think you’ve done nothing useful? You’re looking after your friend’s house, always making sure everything’s perfect, you’ve cooked the most delicious food I’ve ever tasted- which has ruined me for all other meals by the way- and…” he smiled bashfully. “Well, you took care of me didn’t you?”
Matthew shifted back, giving her some space while taking bother her hands. They were still warm from the water. “Kat, I want Christmas to be special, but not at this cost. I can go back to the dorms tonight and come back in the morning if you want. That way you can have all the space you need and you won’t have to worry yourself so much.”
He gazed at her, face serious. “Maybe we’re moving to fast, I don’t know. You’re important to me, Kat. I’m not going to flip out or anything if you do want me to leave. Tell me, honestly.”
He gave her hands a comforting squeeze. His insides felt constricted, tight, bracing. He didn’t want to go, but he was resolved. If Kat wanted him out he’d obey. There was no point in worrying her just by being present. As uncomfortable as it was putting himself at her mercy, Matthew wanted her to be able to tell him exactly how she was feeling. If she was mad and didn’t want to see hide nor hair of him. If she wanted to bawl her eyes out. Or if she had a serious case of the giggles. He wanted to hear about it.
If she could just speak it out loud...
Matthew watched her expectantly, awaiting her answer.

---

Awwwwww snap! D:

Katyusha looked down at their joined hands, sucking in a deep breath - Matthew's previous action had left her startled and she was trying to calm her racing heart - and began repeating what he'd said to her in her head. Honesty. It was a simple matter, and yet there was nothing simple about it. Rather, there was a LACK of it. And because of the lacking in that area, too many had been hurt - are BEING hurt. 'I'm fine' had to be the biggest lie on the planet.
And seeing how sensitive she could be, even with the smallest things, opening herself up to that idea of honesty wasn't exactly something to look forward to.
But she DID hear the sincerity in Matthew's voice, and she DID see the concern in his eyes. She DID believe him when he said that he wouldn't be mad, or that she was...important to him.
All she could do at the moment was smile and do her best not to start crying like a baby, although tears WERE threatening to spill. He really was too sweet to her.
Katyusha squeezed his hands back in return after her long silence, realizing she hadn't given him an answer. She didn't want to chase him out on Christmas Eve, even if he would come back in the morning. It was awfully rude. Besides, she didn't think that she'd be able to handle being by herself while she was this stressed out and just upset with herself. She'd be a total mess by morning, and spending the day getting herself together was no way to spend their first Christmas. She was supposed to be relaxing, as was he...
It was decided. She'd do her best not to worry him, and she'd do her best NOT to work. It was sure going to be a tough thing for her, but she'd do it if it killed her!
"...Will you stay, then?" She looked up at him, smiling a bit happier this time and feeling a bit foolish. He was being so mature about this; it was a small problem that was turning into a big deal, but he was handling it. She just wished that she could take that stance for once in her life. But, for now, it was a good thing that Matthew had taken it. She was learning from HIM, despite her being the older of the pair.
Thank you, Matthew...really...

_____________________________________________________________

D'aaawwwwwwww, sappy. =w=;;

Matthew watched her for several long moments, searching her eyes for any indication Katyusha was forcing the words. While he adored her shy politeness- he adored every part of her for that matter-, he didn’t want her feeling cornered for civility’s sake.
But the small smile that graced her features quelled his worries and the tight feeling that’d been slowly suffocating him since this emotional hurtle had began started to loosen. He took a deep breath as though celebrating a victory over his anxiety.
Yet, it wasn’t really a victory was it? Katyusha still seemed to be fraying at the edges, tears still threatened to spill over and just now they’d had the closest thing ever to a real fight. And this almost-fight had revealed some potholes in their relationship. Talking about their true feelings was something they needed to do more of.
In a way though, Matthew felt almost… relieved.
The months they’d dated had been full of unbelievable happiness, the “honeymoon phase” as he’d once heard someone put it. Not that it was bad- far from it. It was like walking on cloud 9 for weeks on end, seeing through rose color glasses and every single thing coated in an unhealthy dose of sugar. However he understood now that it took serious commitment to survive this phase and actually get to the hard relationship stuff. Up until now he’d been absolutely terrified of ever getting into an argument with Katyusha or even so much as disagreeing with her. But now that they’d faced it, it didn’t seem as scary any more, like falling into what he thought was a bottomless pit only to realize it was only foot deep.
Matthew reached up and cupped Katyusha’s face, using his thumb to sweep away the dew-like tears clinging to her long eyelashes.
“If you want me to,” he said quietly, his smile leaking into his voice. “I’ll stay.”
His arms curled around her, pulling her forward carefully. She fit perfectly to him and he let out a contented hum, resting his chin on top of her head. Gently his hand rubbed circled up and down her back. “Thank you for not throwing me out in the snow," he laughed. "And don’t be so worried, okay? It’s just the two of us”- he blushed brilliantly at this- “and we can do what ever we want. Hell, we could make nachos and watch horror movies all night long if you wanted to. If you don’t want to do something then we won’t.”
He chuckled lightly, gazing up at the ceiling. “Okay, maybe not horror movies. Alfred once tried to start the tradition of having a SAW marathon on Christmas and I’m still traumatized from that, but other than that my point still stands.”
Matthew continued to hold her, losing track of time until the angry hiss of the potatoes once again boiling over yanked him unwillingly from his place curled around Katyusha.

---

Guess who got a new computer! :DDDDDD
Sorry I've been unable to get on for so long D: And I know this crappeh post doesn't make up for it but I'm living on coffee fumes and my brain's in zombie mode =A= *goes and passes out*

A laugh escaped Katyusha at his childhood tales and his gentle reassurance. She was a bit confused as to why he was so...KIND to her. She deserved to be yelled at; someone needed to shove her on the right path. She needed to screw her head on straight at some point, and losing herself in bliss wasn't going to do anything. No relationship was perfect, she knew that full well. But here he was, holding her, laughing with her, smiling with her... Should she feel spoiled? Lucky?
...Or maybe blessed?
Either way, she couldn't stop the a warm thankful feeling from bubbling up inside of her. She quickly swore to herself that she'd make this work, no matter how much she would have to cry or scream or...or anything!
When Matthew pulled away to tend to the cooking potatoes, Katyusha watched him for a moment, resisting the urge to smile at the sight. Yes, he'd said he wasn't good at much cooking, but it was great to see him be so considerate as to at least help out and try. Moving to lean against the counter beside him, she looked up at him and waited until he was finished with his job to speak. "What do you want to drink with the food? We could use the rest of some of the tea, if you want." She took a glance at the boiling potatoes and then at the chicken in the oven, going over her mental list again briefly (although feeling a bit calmer by now). How much longer would it be? Everything was pretty much set, so...they needed to kill some time.
What were they supposed to do while they waited?
She fidgeted a little, unsure of any real answer. What WERE they supposed to do? Sure, time would probably go by fast IF they had something to do. Maybe they'd just have to improvise somehow?
Hm....does he want to go outside? Going into town is a no, the chicken won't take THAT long... Maybe he wants to stay in...?
Pushing aside her trivial worries for the moment, she spoke up again, if not a bit shyly - as if THAT was something new. "H-How long do you think it'll take for everything to be ready...?"

________________________________________________________________

Yaaaay, welcome back~! owo/
And I'm sorry about this reply. IT'S SO CRAPPY. *dies*

“Tea sounds great,” Matthew smiled, giving a short breathless laugh, thankful that the sudden searing tension was now evaporating between them. He moved to fill up the kettle again when he paused, remembering. “There’s also some eggnog in the refrigerator if you’d like.”
Setting everything they’d need aside, plates, glasses and cutlry. Matthew gave a small nod to himself checking everything off his mental list. Then he rounded to face Katyusha. He stumbled over his words at his question. “Uh, um. Well I think we still have about half an hour until the chicken’s done. That’s what the recipe says anyway. I’m not sure about the potatoes. All I know is that they’re done when they float. But I don’t think they’ll be ready for a bit either.”
He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, standing there for a moment. They had time to kill… so what were they to do?
Normally, if he stumbled across free alone time like this, he’d budle up and head outside for a quick smoke and some fresh air, however he doubted Katyusha would like that idea. A cigarette may be a girl-getting bad boy staple but the smell was something awful and he didn’t like the idea of reeking of smoke while attempting to kiss Katyusha underneath the mistletoe. So that was out of the question.
What to do… what to do…
He’d expended all of his cooking knowledge so he hoped Katyusha was okay with the sparse meal he’d worked hard to prepare (he really regretted not looking into home ec classes now). Although his stomach gave a demanding growl, asking for more of Katyusha’s delicious cooking. Glancing out the window he saw that it was snowing lightly, the snowflakes large and fluffy like the ends of q-tips. The idea of going outside sounded wonderful. What they do he had no idea, but going out and goofing off in the cold, and then returning inside numb and icy to a hot meal- they could even just grab a couple of plates and eat in front of a fire!
Drumming his fingers on the counter excitedly, Matthew looked up at Katyusha, grinning. “Do you want to go outside?”

---

Blahhh idk *shrugs*

The sound of Matthew's fingers on the counter had her attention, and her curiosity only peeked when he grinned at her and spoke. Outside? So he DID want to go outside? That was a relief. A bit of fresh air would do the both of them some good; maybe she could even cool her nerves a little more. Literally. But was it really a good idea? He'd JUST gotten over his cold...but then again, he probably wanted to do something after being stuck inside and feeling miserable. "If you want to, then sure." She did her best to put aside her fraying nerves and motherly worries; it was Christmas Eve! She needed to relax big time.
How many times had she told herself that by now...?
Quickly checking to see if there was a timer for the chicken - burning it was probably not the best thing to do - Katyusha made her way to the front door and pulled on a scarf and her coat. She took a quick peek out of the window; snow was falling, but it wasn't like they were going to die out there. Winter gear on, she waited patiently for him to get ready too and then headed out.
Cold air hit her face and she exhailed, a little bit taken aback. It was chilly out, that was for sure. But she'd survive, no sweat. It was refreshing anyways. Snow crunched beneath their feet as they headed out further from the front door, snowflakes drifting from above. She took a moment to look around, huddling into her coat. It sure was beautiful out... Subconciously, her hand flitted with Matthew's, and eventually they were joined. The same kids from across the street were out again, running around and yelling at each other with seemingly never-ending smiles. Katyusha kicked at the snow infront of her a little, looking up at him.
"Well, now that we're out here...what should we do first?"
She was GOING to continue her thought but was interrupted by a snowflake landing on her nose and she quickly brushed it away, shivering in the slightest.

___________________________________________________________

IIIIIII'm dreeeamiiiingggg of a whiiiiite Christmaaassssss~ XDD

The cold air was sharp in his lungs and Matthew breathed it in greedily. He gazed upwards, watching the snowflakes flutter down, feeling the feather light touches of them brushing his face. However the gentle pressure of Katyusha’s hand curling around his own pulled him back to earth. He smile, giving it a small loving squeeze.
She looked so beautiful… Cheeks nipped pink from the chill, nose turning an adorable red and eyes alight. His smile grew when a small fluffy snowflake twirled downwards and landed silently on the tip of her nose. She went slightly cross-eyed for a second before brushing it away. And right then Matthew felt himself falling in love with her all over again.
But her saw her shiver. Maybe coming outside wasn’t the best idea… They'd have to make this outside endeavour quick.
Watching her breath puff out in a cloud through her pink bowed lips was hypnotic. He blinked, stunned for a moment, then mulled over her question as he watched the kids across the street pelt each other with snowballs.
He eyed the lawn blanketed in snow impishly. “I may have an idea….”
From his earlier shovelling there was a deep snow bank at the side and he turned his back to it, lining up his heels with edge, still holding Katysuha’s hand. He gestured for her to copy him and then with a gentle tug they fell backwards, sinking into the drift. Matthew was laughing, turning to grin at her beside him. He tried to calm himself, knowing he probably looked very childish, his toque stuck with snow, hair flaring out from underneath and his face flushed sheepishly.
“I used to do this as a kid,” he spoke, as if justifying his actions. “I’d get all suited up, find the deepest snow in our yard and just fall back into it.” He turned his face back up to look up at the clouds. They were a mix of dark purple and orange from the city lights. “It was so quiet… I could relax and think and watch the snow fall.” His thoughtful expression turned silly. “I had this white stuffed bear and I’d always take him with me. My parents hated that, because when I came back inside he was sopping wet. And I wouldn’t let them put him in the dryer.” Matthew barked a laugh, adding. “I was horrified at the idea of locking Kuma in a giant drum that would essentially bake him.”
Chewing the inside of his cheek, he conveniently left out the part about how he still had his white stuffed bear and that to this day he remained reluctant to cram him in a dryer. Katyusha didn’t need to know that…
Adjusting a little, his eyes met Katyusha’s. “What’s your favourite thing to do in the snow?”

---

just like the ones I used to knooooooooow~

It wasn't hard to ignore the other snowflakes landing on the exposed skin of her face; Katyusha was focused on Matthew and his story alone.
She loved watching him when he spoke - not in a creepy kind of way, mind you! There was just so much emotion to every little thing he did. If he was serious, his eyes would be intense. If he was thoughtful, he'd have a far away kind of look, but it would still be...in the present. If that made any sense at all.
A giggle escaped her during his tale. "Kuma?" He remembered the name of his stuffed bear? Too cute. He did have his mature side, but she definitely wouldn't complain about this side of him.
Katyusha slipped back into the sort of "spell" she'd been under, continuing to listen. If he was happy, his voice would perk up and his smile - that lovely, heartwarming smile! - would come back. That smile made his eyes glow with a happiness that she was trying to understand. Love? Was it love? It was a bit...SOON for thoughts like that, wasn't it? She didn't want to actually say those three little words unless she honestly meant it.
And yet, she found that she'd lost herself in her ridiculously embarrassing thoughts.
Maybe going outside WAS a good idea. She'd be able to clear her head.
There was no need to get so MUSHY! All of these thoughts were so confusing and embarrassing and----!
There you go again. Speak up, Katya! He's talking to you! Listen!
His eyes met with hers and she felt her cheeks warm up, flushing from something other than the cold. Shifting her head to look up at the sky Matthew had been staring at, she thought for a moment, letting out a small hum. She tried to remember what she and her siblings had done in the snow when they were all younger. What sort of things had they...? Oh, right!
"I-I don't know about my FAVORITE thing, but I remember that when I was younger I would play with my siblings in the snow a lot. We'd built forts and snowmen, and see who could make the biggest one. Ivan always won, though. He's always been the biggest of us three." Katyusha lost herself in a moment of melancholy before continuing to actually answer his question, the blush on her cheeks returning with the answer. "I-I've always liked making snow angels, really...and..."
With a quick moment of hesitation, she scooped up a pile of snow with her free hand and dumped it on his chest, doing her best to hold in her giggles.
She'd never admit it outloud, but she loved a good snow fight.
Just because she didn't like the cold, didn't mean she couldn't find the fun in it.
It was a bit contriversial with her personality, really. But not all questions could be answered, right?

_________________________________________________________________

I had no idea I could put so much sappiness into one post. 8I

Matthew was picturing a Katyusha snow angel when suddenly a bunch of snow landed smack dab in the middle of his chest. He stared at it for several long seconds, wide-eyed and confused as to how it got there. Had one of the kids across the street thrown a wayward snowball? Certainly Katyusha wouldn’t…
He looked up and his eyes grew wider still. There was Katyusha, unable to smother her giggles, a wicked glint in her eye. It took a moment or two for him to connect the dots. Not because he was stupid, but because he didn’t believe it at first. Katyusha usually had such a shy, sweet disposition that he forgot sometimes that she had a very mischievous side as well.
His expression of utter shock melted into one of mock incredulity. Leering at her, he sat up, slowly scooping up his own handful of snow. “You’ve picked the wrong person to mess with, little girl.” In his best Bugs Bunny voice he said, “I hope you know: This means war.”
In a flash he hurled his handful, catching her right in the shoulder and quickly grabbing another. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but Katyusha’s sudden change sent a rush flooding through his body and he found he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He was completely captivated.
Matthew smirked at her playfully, leaning back to dodge her next throw. “You’re going to have to aim better than that if you want to-“
His words were cut short by a snow clump square to the face. For a minute he didn’t move. Wiping the frozen mush from his glasses, his gaze turned predatory. He gazed at her, one eyebrow cocked wryly. If Katyusha could pull a 180 degree turn on her personality, so could he. Finding a solid footing in the snow, he pounced.
He flew forward, wrapping his arms around her middle, trapping her beneath him using his weight. He pushed his glasses up into his hair and leaned down until they were nose to nose, faces barely a hair’s width apart.
He growled . “You’re going to pay for that, Katyusha.”

---

Probably a tad OOC but I couldn't help it <_>