Baby Steps

It was an understatement to say Matthew felt awkward. He had to focus on not tripping over his own feet or running into anything, feeling like he was back in that too small storage room, blundering ungracefully around. A deep flush took to his face remembering what else had gone on in that room, but shoved the thoughts aside, concentrating on the girl beside him.
The halls were very near silent, save for the scuffing of their steps echoing against the walls. Matthew let his feet lead the way and was not surprised when they carried him to the heavy metal door that led to the roof. From the corner of his eye, he scrutinized Katyusha, unsure whether or not she’d be okay in the cold. Well, she was wearing a sweater and he wouldn’t keep her out there forever. Matthew vowed to keep an eye on his watch. The last thing he needed was to have Katyusha mad at him and then give her a cold.
Pushing the door open, Matthew let her go first, keeping a respectable distance away. He didn’t need her thinking he was going to jump her either.
The air on the roof was sharp with cold. As always, he welcomed it even as goose bumps sprawled up his arms.
Matthew gestured upwards. “Look.” Despite the chill, the sky remained perfectly clear, allowing for a beautiful view of the stars. And with the faint strums of the music downstairs floating up through the end of the air duct jutting out of the roof, Matthew found himself unable to look away from Katyusha’s eyes. He chewed the inside of his cheek, debating whether or not to speak, afraid it might ruin the glow she seemed to be engulfed in.
“What can I do to make it up to you? I don’t want to see you so sad anymore…”

---

*rolls eyes at Matt's cheesiness*

Katyusha allowed Matthew to take the lead, losing herself in thought until they reached the rooftops. Her gaze became glued to the sight above; there surely weren't as many as you would see in the country, seeing that they were in the city, but the stars that were showing were just as beautiful as ever. The corners of her mouth twitched more, pulling up to create a slight smile. She'd also been pulled out of her thoughts by the crisp air and Matthew's question.
Her gaze turned to his and she searched his eyes for anything other than sadness. She stepped closer - being sure to keep out of his bubble - with a small frown etched into her face. She remained silent for a few long moments before whispering, "...S-Stay the same...as you've always b-been...a-and...p-please smile again...I-I miss it...s-so much..."
She'd hoped that her voice would be strong and truthful in an attempt to bring some light back to his face, but it came out quiet and broken, and she couldn't help stuttering. But...that didn't mean it wasn't truthful.
...In all honesty, she couldn't understand his question. That's all she wanted from him. He didn't have to do anything, he didn't have to "make it up to her"...

________________________________________

*rolls in cheesiness*

Matthew stared at her in confusion.
All she wanted… was for him to… be himself?
His mouth opened and closed, unsure of how to respond.
That whole idea, ‘Just be yourself and everything will be peachy’ always seemed so fake to him. He’d been “true to himself” and all that ever got him was sat on because someone didn’t realize he existed. But the words coming from Katyusha struck him to the very core. She spoke with such sincerity and so earnestly it left him stupefied.
Feeling the colour rush to his face, Matthew blinked a couple of times and then took a step closer, still mindful of the limits. Cautiously, he reached out and their fingers brushed.
“Okay. But that means you have to smile to,” Matthew insisted with a grin slowly spreading across his face.“Please, Katyusha…? You deserve to more than anyone.”
Fidgeting, he noted the magnetic red tinge to her cheeks and the tip of her nose on by the cold. The yellow of her hair had been leeched away into a soft silver shining in the florescence of the safety light about the door. The sight made his insides thrum and his heart beat violently against his ribcage. Katyusha was the only person who made him feel this way. She was his one and only. The kindness in her eyes and gentle mothering in her voice... he wanted to see her, hear her day after day after day. He never wanted to give her up. Never.
She really had no idea how beautiful she was, both inside and out.

---

Go to sleeeeeeep wifey!

Katyusha's fingers automatically twitched back at the contact and she felt tears gathering again in her eyes. With feather-light touches, she slowly laced her fingers with his being sure to watch for any objections. His hand was so much larger than her's and held her's so gently it was hard to believe that it had also been used to work...and to fight. She didn't avert her gaze, and a shiver passed through her at the intensity of the truth in his eyes. Matthew was completely serious. She swallowed, trying to keep herself from trembling out of either happiness or the cold. Either or. Or both.
When she thought about it, her repetive way of going about life had never left her really happy. She'd just did what she had to. Sure, she'd had some happy times with her family before things got complicated. But right now, it was like the world was pushing down on her shoulders. 'Work and pay what you owe, or you'll be on the streets soon enough.' She was mainly just stressed or tired, and had her occasional moments of joy. Life was rough when it came to financial matters, but she dealt with it. But...Matthew was saying...she deserved to smile. She deserved happiness. Maybe...I could use a break...everything's so hard....
Lifting her free hand to wipe away her tears, a smile grew and grew on her lips until she felt like she could laugh. He had a way of bringing her to realizations and filling her with hope. He could chase off her doubts as if it was just like opening the blinds to let a little light in. Maybe her siblings had been rubbing off on her more than she thought. But for now, those thoughts were gone. Right now, she needed to stop crying and smile. For Matthew.

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Oh my goodness, I was listening to "Come What May" the whole time I was replying. That song...fit the situation pretty much perfectly. Not even kidding. <333

*gets medicine for headache* ;;

She smiled like an angel.
God, he really was turning into a girl…
There was no hope in hiding his own grin as he watched her tears disappear, replaced with an optimistic sparkle. The minimal light caught in her eyelashes and the way her fingers regained their warmth from being entangled with his softened his expression. She’d been the one to take his hand and he hoped that meant she was starting to trust him again…. And then he noticed her shivering.
“Sorry!” Matthew subconsciously placed an arm around Katyusha’s shoulders, scolding himself when he felt just how cold she really was, and directed them both back inside to a bench situated between a the rows of lockers. She wasn’t going to trust him if he froze her to death. Of course, once he realized where his arm had taken to, Matthew chuckled nervously and withdrew it.
“I guess I’m more used to the cold than you are.” Matthew meant to give an apologetic laugh, but it came out as a high pitch squeak and he clapped a hand over his mouth, flushing fiercely. “Um…” He licked his lips awkwardly. Small talk had never come to him easily. And how did one start a conversation after something so emotional?
“H-how’s work?”

---

D:
*hands over a bottle of painkillers and a bottle of vodka*

With Matthew's smile back, she felt the last remaining pieces of wariness disappear and their little bubble was slowly making its recovery. Welcoming the warmth of the building as they stepped back inside, she giggled softly at his squeak and his reaction. Matthew...was cuter than ever. Maybe it was just her. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was because he was...her's. The thought made warmth bubble up inside her. Matthew was her's.
B-But that's greedy, Katya! Even if you are d-dating, that doesn't mean you can make him your property...
Although his arm wasn't around her shoulders anymore, she didn't say anything. She simply stayed close to his side and let their hands brush, not reaching out but not pulling away. Turning her head to look up at him, but not before casting a glance off to the side, she replied, "It's...good. Hard, b-but good." The good thing about all the hard work was that she'd saved up quite a bit and might actually have enough to spend freely at some point.
Fumbling around in her head for something to say, she came up with a question. "S-So...how's school...?"
As if she couldn't come up with anything better. It was lame, but it would have to do.

_____________________________________________

I'm not sure if that's a good mix. X''D

Matthew frowned at the idea of Katyusha having to work so hard, but relented slightly when he saw the proud, gratified shine to her eyes.
He glanced down every few minutes, smothering a grin when he saw their fingers touch or their knees bump together. His confidence was growing having abated the crisis. Going emotionally topsy-turvy so soon had him still reeling. Was it always this hard?
Of course they are. Relationships have to be earned, after all.
“It’s going slowly but surely,” he laughed earnestly. “It’ll be nice when we finally get off for winter break… Are you going to see your brother and sister?”
Matthew pretended not to miss the picturesque scene of him and Katyusha spending Christmas together, sitting together on the couch, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket and watching the snow fall as they opened presents; then on the last day of the month, counting down the seconds until midnight where they would welcome in the new year with a kiss.
Shaking his head minimally, Matthew focused on Katyusha's face, listening for her answer.

---

Why nooooot? It makes you see double rainbows!

Shifting her gaze to look forward, Katyusha took a moment to think her answer over. It would be lovely to see them again...but things were still a bit tense. She knew Ivan hadn't been happy about her leaving, but what else could she do? And with her debts to him...well, it would nag at her. She wouldn't really be able concentrate on family. She did miss them terribly, but...
"...I might. Things still need to settle down though a-and I need to see what I can do about work, s-so...I'm not sure." She lifted her gaze back up to meet Matthew's, returning the question with a shy smile. "A-Are you spending Christmas with your brother?" From what he'd told her about his brother, it seemed they were VERY different, and she could help but wonder if there was other family he might visit.
A thought occured to her after the words left her mouth; what if it turned out that they were both free? What would happen then? Would they be spending the holidays together? Would he simply come over every day then leave in the afternoon or would he...stay...the night? Blood rushed to her cheeks at the thought and she forced it to the back of her mind. NOTHING like that needed to be thought right now. Don't ruin things, they just got better!!

______________________________________________________

All the way across the sky! XD

The emotions that flashed across her face confused him. Matthew expected Katyusha to smile, bob her head up and down and tell him what family traditions they were going to follow together. Not look away, expression tense and forlorn.
“O-oh. No, I’m not. I went home last year,” Matthew murmured, still unsettled by her reaction. “I was just going to hang around the school, I guess…”
Didn’t Katyusha say that she practically raised both her brother and sister…? Wouldn’t that make them all closer than most families? Matthew squinted in thought, trying to remember what she’d told him about her siblings back when they’d been sitting together on the floor of the storage room.
‘…I actually owe Ivan quite a bit of money…’
Matthew caught himself before the angry curses spilled from his mouth. Her brother wasn’t the reason she worked so hard was it-? Alfred owed him a little money but that didn’t mean Matthew hunted him down for every penny-
‘…They're both a bit violent…’
It took every bit of his self control to keep his expression straight and calm. The idea of anyone harming a single hair on Katyusha’s head was enough to send his temper rocketing and he shot out a breath, trying to settle down.
If they’ve laid even one finger on her-!
No. He had no right to assume anything. Matthew’s hand suddenly took hers and squeezed it gently. “Have you thought about what you want yet?”

---

Gah I take forever T-T sorry...

She nodded her head a little at his answer, thinking things over in her head. It'd be awfully lonely staying at the school, wouldn't it? Sure, you could always be with friends but...friends weren't the same as family. She stopped herself from imagining him by himself while she was with her younger siblings...
Shooting a glance down at their now connected hands, Katyusha looked back up at him, slightly curious of his actions but not saying anything. She mimicked the motion, squeezing his hand with a smile that she couldn't seem to get rid of at the moment. "I-I don't...its still so far off...I haven't thought about it." A voice in her head spoke up - as if to further remind her about what kind of subconcious she had - saying 'Do I have to wait until Christmas to have you?'. The colour in her cheeks stayed strong and she shook her head in the slightest, almost aggrivated with herself. Stop thinking so selfishly, after all Matthew's been doing...!
Their feet were taking them on some unknown journey, wandering the halls with no worry as to where they were headed. At least, that's how Katyusha felt. The music from the gymnasium grew louder as the neared their current spot and she shuffled a little closer, swinging his hand with hers. "Have you...been thinking about Christmas a lot?" Inwardly, she was hoping that they could spend more time together. And if that time was during the holidays, well...it would just be extra special. She didn't want the ass-grab incident to be the memory that they remembered. Maybe she was just being cheesy, but...spending the holidays with her Matthew...sounded absolutely wonderful.

_____________________________________________________

S'all good! >u<

Now even Kat knows how cheesy this is. :U <3

It took another deep breath to wipe the anger from his voice, though he thought he still sounded a tad frustrated. “No, I, uh, just wondered if we could…” Matthew didn’t want to force anything on her. Even if they were a couple now it was possible she’d rather keep this holiday private and he would have to wait until next year. “Ah, never mind. You’re right, Christmas isn’t for a while yet.”
He smiled, adoring the way she swung their laced together hands a smile on her flushed face. Would she want to spend Christmas with him? The idea of spending a holiday alone used to not bother him. Even with all his siblings and cousins and other extended family, Matthew usually secluded himself, only joining in when forced to.
But it was… strange. Now, spending Christmas alone terrified him. He’d spend all his time in his dorm room, staring unseeingly at cliché Christmas specials on TV as he wondered what Katyusha was doing, if she was all right, if she was happy. And what if they didn’t get to see each other until after the New Year?
Matthew would go mad.
But if she said yes to Christmas with him…
Unknowingly, a big, stupid, lopsided grin had taken to crossing Matthew’s face. A small, peaceful Christmas, with just the two of them. No rush or pressure of fixing up the house for guests, or cooking a big enough meal for everyone.
Matthew blinked. He couldn’t remember ever having a Christmas without stress. People yelling at each other, orders being given out like a military brigade. There would be none of that.
The image of the two of them cuddled on the couch returned, this time with the addition of a Christmas tree in the back covered in lights and decorations, and a fire roaring away filling the room with an orange warmth. Matthew pictured himself curled around her, handing over a square package and urging her to open it. Katyusha tore off the colured paper encasing it and gasped in shock.
Another blink and Katyusha’s exclamation of surprise turned into one of ecstasy, and suddenly the blanket was all they were wearing.
Matthew’s face went from pale to maroon in record time.
Stop! Stop! Stop! I just started to convince Katyusha I wasn’t like that! That’s it, no more HBO!
He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed.
“Should we at least check out the party?” Matthew wanted to pull at his collar, feeling too warm but kept his hand glued to his side, thinking that the movement would give him away. And the last thing he needed was for Katyusha to know he was thinking about anything of that nature.

---

>u> I think I like Perv!Matt...

XD

Katyusha didn't notice Matthew's embarressment; she'd tured her head and focused on walking because if she didn't, she'd probably trip over her own feet. She wouldn't be able to help it; she was just really happy that things were alright between the both of them. They wouldn't be apologizing to each other at the drop of a dime...at least, not for now. But that was OK. That was OK, that was more than OK...because he was going to smile again and that was all she wanted. She hated seeing him upset because she knew it was over HER, and why should she be such a big deal...? They were both two simple people with simple lives and simple emotions.
But, oh, what a lie the last two statements were. Simple lives and feelings. Nothing was simple when it came to life and emotions. She knew that full well.
Giving his hand a slight squeeze, she turned her attention back to his now flushed face, somewhat curious as to why he was blushing all of the sudden. Even when he was embarressed, she never looked over his more mature characteristics and for a split second, wondered if her heart would break out of her chest from beating so hard if she ever saw that face bathed in the warm light of a fire. Eyes full of admiration, voice thick with love, hands moving in a professional manner and yet so agonizingly slow--- She ducked her gaze away from his for a moment, feeling her own cheeks heat up. Concentrate, Katya! Summoning the courage to look back up, she shook her head and spoke, "I-I'd rather...we stay here. W-We could go back outside, o-or wander around for a bit...w-whatever's fine with you." She paused to think, pursing her lips. It was harder than she thought to think of a suggestion. She was going with the thought of "taking a break" and was trying to think of something easy-going for the both of them.
What came out of her mouth was nothing along those lines.
"We could leave, go into town..."
Blinking rapidly, a hand flew to her mouth and she felt herself flush even deeper. SNEAKING OUT? Had she just said that she wanted to sneak out?! It was late and they shouldn't be in town and who knows what could happen---
'It'll be an adventure, it'll be fun!' is what her mind told her.
NO, no! No it wouldn't!
She must've looked like a retarded fish with her mouth opening and closing the way it was, but she couldn't force out an explaination.
Way to use your brain, Kat!

__________________________________________________________

Woopeedeedadoooooo, this took too long to reply to. Sorry. *crawls away into hole and dies*

Matthew stopped in surprise at her words.
Kat wanted to sneak out?
The Katyusha Braginski wanted to sneak out?
The same innocent, rule abiding Kat he’d come to know and love?
He watched her eyes widen at her own sudden daring, trying to think practically though his brain became instantly muddled by how sweet she looked all flustered like that.
Sneaking out past curfew wasn’t new to Matthew, every so often slipping out just off campus for a smoke. (Both the sneaking and the smoking a perpetual bad habit of his). It wasn’t that he thought Kat didn’t have it in her to break one of the biggest rules this school had, but having her be the one to actually suggest it found Matthew both shocked and aroused.
What if they got busted? The consequences were ruthless and automatic if caught…
But the idea of having Katyusha as his partner in crime this time, appealed to him, much more than it should of, and besides everyone was preoccupied with the party making for an easy getaway. Matthew smiled self deprecatingly. What was he thinking? This wasn’t a bank heist. Just the two of them having a fun night on the town. So against his better judgment, Matthew decided to just go with it.
He tugged her in the direction of the dorms. If they were going to do this it couldn’t be in just a sweater and a t-shirt. “Wait here.”
Matthew sprinted up the stairs taking two steps at a time. He swept into his room like a tornado (which really didn’t change much as his room already looked like a tornado had devastated the place), throwing laundry everywhere as he searched for two of his warmest hoodies and then bolted back out the door grinning, material in hand.
He returned, panting slightly, and held out the warmer of the two to Katyusha. “It’s cold outside so…” His words hung awkwardly in the air, swallowing restlessly and trying not to look smug at the idea of Katyusha wearing his clothes.

---

Um... er... ta-da...?

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And we're off on another adventure! :P
https://ifyoulovetheworld.rpg-board.net/ukraine-f46/and-with-the-next-step-comes-t701.htm#18533